Monday, October 1, 2012

Emotional Effects of Divorce on Children


Emotional Effects of Divorce on Children

          There are millions of children every year that suffer from the emotional effects of divorce.  According to Baer, Hoffman & Mooney (2007) approximately 40 percent of marriages will end in divorce, and most divorces happen before children reach their eighteenth birthday.   Most parents facing divorce want to protect their children, but often times avoiding the issue can add to their levels of stress. (Debord, K., 1994).  Debord explains that it can be frightening for children, and although it may be hard for parents to explain; children need to be encouraged and parents need to help children adapt to their new life changing environment.  Children are suddenly forced to face the reality that everything in their life is going to be different.  One of the greatest fears of children is change. (Debord, K., 1994).  Children can also experience developmental issues with attachment, and fear of abandonment.  Research will show that divorce does not just affect children’s lives for a few years, but can follow them throughout their lives (Debord, K., 1994).

     Children are faced with the loss of attachment, which can lead to self-blame in the early years of childhood, and they can also experience the fear of losing the other parent and who will take care of them. (Debord, K., 1994)  Debord gives examples of children and different stressors that are created in separate age groups.  These stages are based on the levels of a child’s understanding and perception in their particular age groups.

      Debord clarifies that while infants may not understand the roles of conflict, they can react to the levels of stress that the parent demonstrates which could cause loss of appetite, more spitting up and fussiness.  A toddler can understand that a parent is no longer in the home, but does not have the cognitive abilities to understand why.  This can cause the child to be clingy, insecure and not be able to rest well.  They may experience anger and not understand why they are mad, and toddlers have a fear of both parents being absent (Debord, K., 1994).

       Preschool children do not have the cognitive abilities to understand what divorce or separation means.  They know that one parent is no longer active as before, and this can cause uncertainty and the preschooler may resort to self-blame.  Nightmares can also occur during the process and grief over the loss of the parent no longer in the home. (Debord, K., 1994).

       Early elementary age children are aware of divorce, and that parents may not have the love they once did.  They may experience feelings of deception, and has hopes that parents will reconcile.  Early elementary age children experience feelings of rejection of the absent parent.  They may also experience stomach problems along with headaches.  They definitely fear what will become of their future (Debord, K., 1994).

     Preteen and adolescents are able to understand a divorce, but can be very unaccepting of it.  They can become disillusioned, experience anger, and also feel abandonment from the absent parent (Debord, K., 1994).  Preteens will try to take advantage of stress levels of both parents.  They can also appeal to take over the household, and this is a time period where drugs may evolve, because of the stresses caused from the divorce.  Suddenly they may feel as if they have to mature to fast, and they also experience great stress of what the future will hold for them concerning college and financial aspects that could affect them.  They may also have great concerns over their own relationships, and whether they can attain long term commitments. (Debord, K., 1994).

     According to Fagan &Churchhill (2012) “Divorce causes irreparable harm to all involved, but most especially the children.” (p.1). Culture has certainly changed over the past few generations, because what was once conceived as a tragedy can often be considered a celebration when partners choose to divorce now. (Fagan & Churchhill, 2012).   This is a sad occurrence because according to Fagan & Churchhill “it diminishes children’s future competence in all five of society’s major tasks or institutions:  family, school, religion, marketplace and government” (p.1).  There is no way we can accurately predict what will happen to a child that experiences divorce, but research has shown that the limits of divorced children are lowered because of it, and the effects are high in number and are serious(Fagan & Churchhill, 2012).  According to Fagan &Churchhill (2012), these are determinable concerns about divorce and the effects on children. 

            1.)  Religious practice:  Divorce diminishes the frequency of worship of God

            and recourse to Him in prayer.  2.) Education:  Divorce diminishes children’s

            learning capacity and educational attainment.  3.) The marketplace:  Divorce

            reduces household income and deeply cuts individual earning capacity.

            4.) Government:  Divorce significantly increases crime, abuse and neglect, drug

            use, and the costs of compensating government services.  5.) Health and well

            being:  Divorce weakens children’s health and longevity.  It also increases

            behavioral, emotional, and psychiatric risks, including even suicide.

     Fagan & Churchhill (2012) further conclude that while parents are dealing with two sets of problems during the divorce that children’s support is extremely lower, than those of parents that live together.  They receive less emotional support, and this weakens the parent child relationship.  It can be harder for the child to fully trust the parent after a divorce occurs. (Fagan & Churchhill, 2012).  Final statements that have been addressed by Fagan & Churchhill are the children’s view of divorce.

              “Regardless of age, children of divorce deeply resent the strains and difficulties

             which arise in long-held family celebrations, traditions, daily rituals, and special

            times, and rate these changes as major losses.

     It seems obvious that divorce is going to take a toll, even when children have positive peers to encourage them.  This will lessen the degree of stress, but some of the losses that come from divorce cannot be replaced, and unfortunately this can carry on throughout the life of the child into adulthood.  It is apparent that divorce has caused collateral damages to our culture and society.  When looking at the statistics of divorce and thinking of the aspects of children; it becomes clearer of the present condition of what is being faced in the next generation as the numbers increase. 

     Sometimes divorce is necessary if a child’s welfare is in danger, or if there is domestic violence involved, but the transition can still be hurtful and misunderstood by separation.  It is very complex when parents make the child choose whom they can love.  It can be damaging when parents use the children as weapons against the other one.  In the state of Texas before divorce can be granted each party is required to take a course on how to remain civil in the areas of interest focused upon the child.  The author would hope to see requirements that would involve unique counseling to address issues related to the children, before granting divorce.

     While partners may have someone to represent them during a divorce, many times children have no outlet or voice.  This leaves them vulnerable to all the things discussed above. 

According to Mathews D. Wayne (n.r.) there are short term effects as well as long term effects.  A great deal of what a child must go through depends upon the parent’s ability to deal with their anger towards one another, and to maintain the parenting role.  It is important that the absent parent is able to establish a satisfying part that is mutually acceptable with the children, or child.  It is imperative that children of divorce have a healthy and trusting outlet to address things that take place in their lives.  If the problems of divorce continue in anger and discontent, usually the child is the victim of an occurrence he was not responsible for. (Matthews, D. Wayne).  There is no escape of harm that will affect a child through divorce, but there are ways that children can begin their own personal healing and grief of the loss.  More focus in the court systems should address the implications of stress that comes from divorce, but too often children are overlooked, and they are left with long lasting effects that will be carried out in their adult lives, and the patterns will be repeated.  Divorce does not only hurt the emotional wellbeing of a child, but it breaks down the strength of a family unit throughout the country, which has a negative impact of our society as a whole.

     Parents should know that not all the negative effects will occur mentioned in this paper, but in the case of a child in distress and going through a crisis because of divorce, parents should be responsible to help their child get through the transition.  Sensitivity to a child is critical during this period according to (Foulkes, L., 2001).  The emotional state of a child should be a primary concern, and the child should never be left to themselves to absorb the stress of divorce alone.  This will have a serious impact on the child depending upon their support system, and if there problems are being addressed.  Children need the continuing reassurance that they are loved by both parents and it is important for healthy relationships between them to continue, in spite of the situation of the adults.  The author would hope that more emphasis would be placed upon the stress of what children are going through, because in the long run, they are the ones that will suffer the most from adult decisions.  The conclusions of the arguments would be that divorce is far more crucial to the wellbeing of a child, and parents need to know the emotional implications of what can become of their children, in the process of their decision making alternatives.  If investments are made in families, counseling should be an option that promotes reconciliation if that is possible.  Adults do not always consider the implications of what can come from impulsive decisions.  Children are worth an effort, and if counseling does not prove successful, parents need to be fully aware of the emotional upheaval that happens to children.  Again, the court system can address these problems if they are brought to the table, but it takes awareness and concern for the emotional welfare of children.  Children are the future, and they deserve to grow up physically and emotionally stable.  There are things that can be done.  Churches can take part in counseling families, and leading them towards reconciliation.  Until our entire society sees the problem, the emotional effects of divorce will not improve.      

           
                                                           References

Baer, T., Hoffman, M., & Mooney, N. (2000). The Effects of Divorce on Children

Debord, K., (1994).The Effects of Divorce on Children

     Focus on the Kids, North Carolina Cooperative Extention Service

Fagan, P., &Churchill, A. (2012).  The Effects of Divorce on Children.

     Marriage and Religion Research Institute

Foulkes, L. (2001).  The Effects of Divorce on Children

     Clinical Psychology Associates of North Central Florida, P.A.

Matthews, W.D. (2012). Long –term Effects of Divorce on Children

                                               

 

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