Smitty G's Forum Discussing The Harmful Effects of Bullying

I met Smitty G several years ago online. He is a bass player and I associated with him because of the musical aspect and we also are from the same graduating class and were raised in the same area. We don't share the same faith, but our hearts are in similar places about victims and the abuses of others.

I didn't change the post and left it just as Smitty G and friends shared this. I will be posting this as a blog for all to see and will also be sharing other aspects of bullying and if you have anything you would like to share, I would love to include your experiences this week.

We have to speak up for those that can't speak for themselves.
Even though Smitty G and I may not see eye to eye on our faith levels, I will tell you I have been greatly blessed by the laughter and random thoughts he has shared over the past few years.

 

Smitty G's Forum Discussing The Harmful Effects of Bullying

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• The root of this problem are the bullies' parents. They are the ones we have to go after.
  
  A society has one duty above all other duties: protect the next generation so we can hand the society over to them. This is why I feel that child preda...tors should be put to death. It isn't about whether the death penalty is a deterrent or an appropriate punishment, it is about our primary duty as a society--protect the children.
  Parents who raise bullies have broken society's trust and produced a threat to the welfare of a society as a whole. Instead of raising their offspring to be productive members of society, they have raised them to be destructive. And they have taught their offspring, either through direct motivation or just being too stupid to do their damn job, to target our children. If our primary duty as a society is to protect the next generation, then we have to eliminate this threat.
  Right now, there are no real ramifications for raising a bully. They get away scott-free for this crime against us all. Once we change that, I think we will see some serious movement toward cleaning up this problem completely. Now I'm not talking about taking the parents out back and shooting them, nor even an old fashioned horse whipping--even though these would be extremely satisfying on an emotional level. I think we just need to make an incentive for parents to do their job.
  For the first offense of a child bullying other children, the parents get fined $1000 and they, and their bully-child, get to attend a two week seminar on how destructive bullying is to society and how they need to cut that shit out right now--all at the parents' expense. I'm willing to bet that 99% of all bullying ends after the first offense if you put this in place.
  For the second offense of a child bullying other children, it is a $10,000 fine and they, and their bully-child, get a year's worth of social worker visits and therapy sessions, all at the parents' expense, to help them find the root of the problem and develop the tools needed to ensure it doesn't happen any further.
  For the third offense of a child bullying other children, it is a $100,000 fine and the bullies get taken away from the parents and the parents are forbidden from producing other offspring or face time in prison. If they have other children who are not bullies, a case by case determination can be made if they have what it takes to do continue to do their job. But, in the case of the bully, the parents have already proved that they cannot do their job and society has no choice but intervene for it's own self-preservation.
  You think this is too harsh? You think this is over the top? Let's ask the parents of any of the kids who killed themselves because they were bullied if my ideas are too harsh. Let's ask the parents of all those kids who died in school shootings if they think my ideas are over the top.
  A society's primary job is to protect the next generation. If any member of a society cannot get with that program, the society has no choice but to step up and take care of the problem. Enough kids have been killed by this stupidity. It's time to put a stop to it now.See More23 hours ago · UnlikeLike · 2 peopleLoading...
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  Donna Standridge Funny you should post about this - At the same time you're posting, I'm composing and posting my own note. I agree with you. The parents need to be parents. By God, mine were.
  
  
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  Matt Keathley:  I can't believe I'm sayng this....lol
  
  But you give a clear logical argument, and make a lot of sense.It does comes back to the parents, and we should hold the responsible.
  
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  Glenn Smittyg Smith
  Some of this may make folks wonder if I was bullied--of course I was. You want to know how to tell the difference between a former bully and a former victim? It's real easy. All the people who make any statement about how the kids need to toughen up or how bullying is just a natural part of growing up are the former bullies. When they were doing the bullying and now that they are adults, their mindset has always been the same--the victims brought it on themselves. They didn't see themselves guilty when they were doing it and they don't see anything wrong with it now.
  
  
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  Glenn Smittyg Smith My step-dad taught me by example. He was a bully. I knew I wanted to be nothing like him. And I knew I didn't want to make others feel the way he made me feel. The strong have a moral obligation to protect the weak. Or, at the very least, not to make the lives of the weak miserable.
  
  
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  Matt Keathley
  I was in high school during columbine. I was a "goth" kid, wore all white painted my face and nails when I could get away with it, the whole thing.
  
  I remember at Texas high (yes bad time in life I briefly went to a Texas side school) the counselor called me into her office the next school day after the shooting.
  She asked me "Do you have any negative problems with anyone?" I told her, "No one, except you now..." Needless to say that wasn't the right answer. But I was just so insulted, that if they wanted to question anyone, they didn't question a bully, but someone who wore a trench-coat.
  Since I attended over 30 schools growing up, I learned a lot about bullies. I learned about myself too. Although I know its bad advice, what worked for me is this. The very first time someone tried to bully me, I just went ballistic. I wasn't the strongest or the fastest, but I could be the most crazy. I learned just attack them full force, jump on them and keep hitting until someone physically pulled you off. That way they didn't have a chance to fight back, because if they did I was done for.
  After that I wasn't usually bothered too much as they thought I was too crazy and might hurt them.
  Now the truth is, I should have tried to avoid a fight instead of running into one, and the bullies obviously shouldn't have been allowed to bully. Funny if all the students know who they are, why don't the teachers?
  
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  Becky Nelson Mcfadden
  You are all over the top of this and absolutely right Glen. I would seriously like to share this and repost. These things are taught at home and in very many cases Bullies raise other bullies. Thank you friend as this has been your best ...posting ever. Please let me address an example that I was directly effected by.
  
  I had no tolerance for bullying from my children and discipline was done, but also taught how to love certain individuals and to protect them and stand with them with others kicked them to the side. The disabled, the ones that were weaker, the ones that are brutalized from bullying. I want to get you also a twist on this case.
  My son was in the 9th grade and in Athletics, The Coach went to the lounge and was gone forever. This bully picks the perfect time to jump on this kid ten times smaller and starts pounding him and has on boots and kicking him in the head and all the kids stood by and did nothing. My son kept watching the door for the coach and he couldn't stand by any longer because he was afraid this big dude was going to kill the weaker one.
  He jumped in and the bully flew into him and he fought to defend his self. Now my son was expelled and I was fined 250.00 for my son saving a life. Went to the school and the Principal spoke to me and told me my son was a great Samaritan for saving the boy. Then the police ticketed me for 250.00 and he was suspended for three days. The bully got the same thing and also the one violated was fined and suspended to. O tolerance my ass. My son saved this boy and in this case what should have happened Glen? If my son had stood by and done nothing the boy might have died. Who was to blame? I clearly did my job as a parent. There was no teacher in sight. We also need to hold these schools accountable.
  
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  Glenn Smittyg Smith
  I've been living a bit of a lie for decades, now is a good time to chunk it. I have always said that I quit school band because I wasn't any good at it and that I wasn't having any fun. Well, I wasn't really that good, but that isn't why I ...wasn't having fun. And that isn't the core reason I quit.
  
  I came to Texarkana just before the start of the 7th grade. So I entered Pine Street Junior High, and the 7th grade band, without anyone having any background with me. They didn't come up with me in elementary school. These two eighth graders (I can't remember their names, but I could pick out their pictures with 100% perfect recollection) locked on to me immediately. During that first year, they didn't have too much interaction with me, just passing each other in band hall and riding home on the bus. (Yeah, I was unlucky enough to live a couple of blocks away from these jerks.) They made things uncomfortable, but it was manageable with some avoidance routines on my part. I went to the band director; I was told there was nothing I could do. I went to my parents; I was told to quit being a wimp.
  But that was just a warm up for the next year.
  The 8th and 9th grade band students were mixed to form marching band and those two got access to me like they never had before--and they made sure to use it to full advantage. While I wasn't very good in band, I was a drummer, I practiced every minute I could to try and be as good as I could. During that year, I just gave up. I had been given a drum set for my birthday just before the start of the 8th grade. By Christmas, you couldn't make me touch a pair of sticks on a bet. My job during the second half of the school year--carry the tuner. {Remind me to tell you the story of losing that at UIL competition for another round of torture memories.}
  I quit band after that year. I realized that the only interaction they had with me was school band and that I was going to face that abuse for the rest of my school life. I didn't touch the drums again, or try to play music at all, until a group of friends in high school went to form a rock band and needed a drummer.
  My single driving passion in my life, my music, was almost destroyed by those two. Do you think I didn't fantasize about killing their asses? You bet I did. Do you think I would have carried it out if I had access to a gun? Well, fortunately, we didn't have to find out.
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  Becky Nelson Mcfadden
  G you are sharing some things that need to be broadcasted my friend. Would you have a problem if I posted this on my blog site. What you have discussed is something that needs to be in people's faces permanently. I just posted a note. It ...should go much further friend. I know you don't agree on my takes on everything............lol but I will stand up for this issue. I would like to publish this info to spread further. Asking before I blow it up. Seriously this needs to be discussed and shared and not just on your facebook page. Asking for your permission bud. You are such a great friend, yep I am going to yuck it up but you can deal with it.
  
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  Glenn Smittyg Smith
  Becky, your son did the right thing; and I would frame that ticket as a badge of honor.
  
  When I was in junior high (and folks wonder why I want, even to this day, to burn Pine Street to the ground), I was in swimming class. Every morning, the  bus would get us from Pine Street, go grab the kids from Westlawn and then head to the college pool. One morning, while we were in the locker room getting ready to go swimming, this Westlawn kid, the biggest guy in the whole class, jumped the smallest guy in the class. I didn't even blink--I jumped him on the spot. And he kicked the ever-lovin' shit out of my ass. But, he never touched anyone else again for the rest of the year. I'm still proud of taking that ass-whipping.
  Of course, back then, the schools didn't even pretend to give a shit. No one was ticketed or suspended. Nothing at all happened.
  The swimming coach? Stood buy and let the whole thing play out. Once this kid exhausted himself pounding on me and the entertainment value was over, the coach told everyone to, "Quit horsing around and get into the water!"
  Yeah--I think there is a special version of hell waiting for school coaches.
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  Robin Jo Townsend: The nastiest bullies that picked on my son all had parents who were *completely* complicit in their kid's bullying. I witnessed it firsthand many times. You are right about this.
  
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  Robin Jo Townsend: But there are some good effective anti bullying programs out there because we have learned we can't really change the bullies or their parents but what we can do (and it has proven effective) is change the culture of the "bystanders" to "up-standers".
  
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  Glenn Smittyg Smith I leave my FB posts as wide open as possible for all to see and share their views. So, yes, Becky, you have full permission to repost this anywhere you wish and put whatever views you have with it.
  
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  Robin Jo Townsend The 98 percent who aren't bullies or being bullied watch, scared to do anything because they are afraid then they are the target. When they get trained to realize that all of them together are more powerful and it's the right thing for everyone for them to all stand up to bullies...
  
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  Robin Jo Townsend When they see it going on, to say "dude that is NOT cool" and all of them, together, work to protect each other. The key is with the other kids. Teachers and parents aren't there every minute. The kids themselves, are.
  
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  Robin Jo Townsend Becky, give your son a HUGE hug from me, he is a hero and a mensch. You too, for raising him.
  
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  Glenn Smittyg Smith Yes, Robin, for stopping an attack, the kids are the ones there most. However, they are NOT the cause of the problem--the adults, parents and teachers, that allow, or even promote, this crap are.
  
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  Scott Murrell
  ‎---(Just my opinion)...A bully's parents need to be sued for damages and need family counseling to focus on where and why this child found hostility more appealing than a peaceful co-existence. Some bullies lack structure and some suffer... from low self-esteem, some victims lack the ability to defend themselves or the desire to. Very complicated problem.
  
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  Robin Jo Townsend:  Smitty, they are the cause, but getting to them is a hit and miss, after the fact sort of deal. By all means hold them accountable, but in order to get a preventative and wide reaching and immediate solution to protect the kids, the bystander/up stander programs are the most effective thing developed, to date.
  
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  Robin Jo Townsend I don't believe, personally, that bullies lack self esteem. They have plenty of self esteem. It's other human beings they have no esteem for.
  
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  Ricky Kinney
  I was bullied in school a few times until I started fighting back in high school. I wasn't a great fighter, but it only took a couple fights to show the people bullying me that I was done taking crap from anyone. There was a guy in my daughters school that liked to bully girls (still does). He got physical with them. No matter what the parents did or said, the school wouldn't do jack to this kid. I think they suspended him from soccer last year, big whoop. Anyhow, he's almost 18 and if he lays a finger on my daughter, his ass is doin time. Well, him or me. If the police turn their heads like they always do around here, it will probably end up being me, but I really do not wanna go there. Jail just ain't my thing
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  Robin Jo Townsend My son fought back once. Decked the guy. He was punished, bully wasn't: bullying CONTINUED, I was flabbergasted.
  
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  Robin Jo Townsend Took him out of "we love and pity our poor little bullies" PG middle school and put him in Pine Street. No problems at all until the same damn bully transferred into Pine Street (his mom probably got sick of all those victims making life hard for her widdle sweetums).
  
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  Robin Jo Townsend Kid was like "awRIGHT let the games begin!" with my son - started that crap again - Pine Street immediately, not amused at all, put their boot on his neck and the kid did NOT bother my son again. (he got shipped off to military boarding school eventually...I bet his mom STILL thinks he's perfect and none of this was ever his fault.)
  
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  Robin Jo Townsend It won't change until we have a sea change in our culture to where bullying is looked on universally with disgust and that behavior is met with "oh good going, jackhole, thanks for setting us up for a school shooting" instead of prestige like they get now.
  
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  Glenn Smittyg Smith
  The biggest problem is that the bullies, more often than not, are not the dejects and rejects, they are part of the most popular circles. The guys who bullied me were very popular and successful in school--they weren't the "thugs".
  
  It is nice to hear that Pine Street eventually decided to take a stand against such behavior.
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  Robin Jo Townsend Yes, we are finding out now that most bullies are "popular" but often it's because everyone is sort of scared of them and they hold a lot of power and influence. It boils down to power; they hold power over their victims. With girls it's almost always the most popular "in" girls who do it. The others are following along and playing various roles.
  
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  Scott Murrell
  ‎---I still contend that bullies lack the something that sets normal people apart from them otherwise all people would be bullies. I think it's irrelevant about social status but as always I don't really know and might very well be wrong. The need to prove themselves worthy to someone is overpowering the need to fit into the social norm. I really don't know.
  
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  Richard Dager U are so right Glenn
  
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  Eddie McCraw I remember two guys, who happened to be best friends, at THS who bullied me the whole time I was there. Senior year they sat behind me in study hall and made my life miserable. There was no one to talk to about being gay at the time, and I was afraid that if anyone found out about my secret my life would be over. I thought about suicide all the time. I hope things have changed there, but I am glad to be living someplace else.
  
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  Eddie McCraw I know other people are looking forward to our reunion this month. NOT ME.
  
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  Frix Smith I know it will never happen, but there are some people in this town that should not be allowed to reproduce. The goody goodies are usually the ones who do much of the abuse but if you defend yourself against them you get punished as well. Some rules need to be changed.
  
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  Robin Jo Townsend Scott, what they lack is empathy for other people.
  
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  Glenn Smittyg Smith
  Yeah. Something has to change.
  
  I really thought we stood a chance when the shootings were going on. When the popular kids, the main breeding pool for the bullies, became the targets of bullets, I figured that was the final tipping point. Unfortunately, folks found it a lot easier to focus on the issue of guns or the negative influences of music than to ask the tough questions of what drove those kids to that point.
  Eventually, enough folks will get to the point where they have had enough of this destruction. Of course, how many more kids will have to die before that happens? Far too many is my guess.
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  Eddie McCraw:  Other species, like cock roaches and horseshoe crabs, have been around thousands of years longer than humans. Maybe we are at the beginning of our development and will improve over time. I wonder if cock roaches experienced this much pain as they were growing.
  
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  Frix Smith It's a shame our school systems are left to teach morality to students. Parents seem to be doing a terrible job. Many abusive kids come from abusive homes and it's not always the ones who are better off financially. Many times it's the wanna bees that do the most harm.
  
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  Scott Murrell ‎---"Scott, what they lack is empathy for other people."Exactly, what in the experience caused this?
  
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  Jean Pierce:  Bullying has always been, it was bad in grade school for new or poorer kids and one was afraid to speak up or they might get picked on.   I have even seen students do it to teachers {making fun } . Back then no one ever thought of guns. It can make life miserable for some it is happening to.
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  Debbie Gilliam:  Trouble is, it IS a truly complex issue. And if you think that bullying ends when high school is over, take a close look at our modern "civilized" society. Bullies are everywhere and they thrive!
  
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  Robin Jo Townsend:  What do you mean, Scott? What in them causes this or what in my experience causes me to make that statement? I could not possibly answer as to what makes someone a borderline personality disorder so I can't answer the first one.
  
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  Robin Jo Townsend If you are asking the second, I make that statement from  my observations that they pretty much - lack empathy, or they wouldn't be deriving obvious enjoyment, repeatedly, from causing others misery.
  
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  Robin Jo Townsend Plus, studies of the brain activity of bullies are proving this out now - they react differently than normal people to images of other people in pain.
  
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  Robin Jo Townsend:  Many bullies "suffer" from narcissistic personality disorder. If you are expecting a whole lot of sympathy from me for bullies, I'm afraid I'm just not that big of a person. I used it all up on their victims. I hate bullies. I don't especially feel the need to apologize for my feelings on the topic either.
  
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  Robin Jo Townsend The backgrounds that are used as an excuse for bullying are experienced by other kids too who do not turn into bullies, so I don't buy it as an excuse. *shrug* I just can't work up any sympathy for them or their parents either.
  
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  Robin Jo Townsend: ‎"When close to being outwitted and exposed, the bully feigns victim hood and turns the focus on themselves - this is another example of manipulating people through their emotion of guilt, eg sympathy, feeling sorry, etc." http://www.bullyonline.org/related/family.htm
  
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  Robin Jo Townsend:  That's one reason I just can't buy into any big feelings of sympathy for the bullies...
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  Robin Jo Townsend
  ‎"Psychologists used to believe that bullies have low self-esteem, and put down other people to feel better about themselves. While many bullies are themselves bullied at home or at school, new research shows that most bullies actually have... excellent self-esteem. Bullies usually have a sense of entitlement and superiority over others, and lack compassion, impulse control and social skills. They enjoy being cruel to others and sometimes use bullying as an anger management tool, the way a normally angry person would punch a pillow." http://www.byparents-forparents.com/causesbullies.htmlSee More
  
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  Robin Jo Townsend If someone else has the heart and inclination to approach bullies with sympathy and understanding that's their mission, I guess, but it's not something I intend to expend my energy on. Too busy repairing the damage they did to people I love to have anything left over. Someone else can coddle them and try to understand and fix them but it won't be me. :-(
  
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  Robin Jo Townsend:  If bullying becomes socially unacceptable perhaps bullies will seek out a different way to deal with whatever is "making" them a bully - IF that is the case and it's not just a matter of them basically being a born sociopath, which unfortunately, is not fixable.
  
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  Glenn Smittyg Smith It is with a bullet. Sorry; I have no sympathy for the bullies either. Never have, never will. I don't want to understand them; I don't want to fix them. I want them stopped. And I don't really care how far we have to go to stop them because I am absolutely positive the planet would be better if we ended their existence.
  
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  Robin Jo Townsend
  Well, there's also the thought that if bullying is what creates bullies, then it's too late to "fix" the bullies already out there: but if they can be stopped from bullying other people, we can reduce the numbers of new bullies created. Which is why I'm more about making bullying as unacceptable as racism. We don't just shrug and say "racists will be racists." I don't see why we should shrug and say "kids will be kids" when we are talking about bullying as that implies that kids = bullies.
   But then I have always leaned more towards behavioral therapy than psychoanalysis...
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  Glenn Smittyg Smith: Unfortunately, as I said, I don't think we have seen near enough destroyed lives to move the general public to give much of a shit. I wish it were otherwise.
  
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  Robin Jo Townsend I hope you are wrong. You may be right but I hope you aren't.
  
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  Glenn Smittyg Smith I hope I am wrong too.
  
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  Cassie Page I hate bullies, I beat them up but I am only one person, I can't get them all. That is also what America does, we send our army to other countries to fight and guard against bullies.
  
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  Glenn Smittyg Smith Can we spare a few platoons to patrol our junior highs?

I was totally amazed by this entire discussion and felt it was worth blogging on.  There are some links that Robin posted and I will be sharing more of a Christian based perspective on bullying and what scriptures teach on this subject.  I appreciated the permission to be able to save this  and welcome all further comments.