Abstract
Laaser, Mark R.
(2004), introduces us to the problems that are facing the world in the areas of
sexual addiction. He not only addresses
the world, but one of the most vital addictions that face the church as
well. It appears that he is attempting
to break the silence, so that we can address the problems instead of the body
of Christ living in total denial of how these things have been ignored in the
past. There has been silence, along
with many cover ups to spare embarrassment and shame, and this has ultimately
caused us to overlook serious problems inside the body of Christ. According to Laaser (2004), at least 40
percent of Pastors have examined pornography from internet connections from
research that has been conducted. The
church is still in denial and has little training in what we can do to reach
out to those that are dealing with sexual addiction. The internet has widely opened the doors to
bring pornography to those in the comfort of their homes. Laaser (2004), having experiences with his
own sexual addiction has taken a courageous stand to offer help, and also
exposure about the growing problem and healthy ways of dealing with this
addiction instead of ignoring the problem.
This book grappled me as I read through it, and I embraced the transparency
to bring this issue out into the open so we can learn how to deal with these
situations by no longer ignoring the impact of how it has affected the overall
view of the clergy and our churches in modern times. The book gives a bold view of coming to terms
with these issues among the body of Christ and the importance of not only
addressing the problems we are facing, but recovery that can lead sexual
addicts into healing and redemption if they are willing to admit the
problem. As the body of Christ we can no
longer live in the denial of the problems we are facing as a body of
believers. There is a growing fear that
if sexual addicts are found out they will be cast out and cut off among
believers entirely. I see this book as
an act of courage, and one that can no longer be denied.
Summary
Laaser, Mark R. (2004) brings a topic
home to the body of Christ that has up until recently been considered the sin
of secrecy. This book seems to be
targeted towards the church and address that Christians are not exempt from
sexual addiction. Laaser (2004) takes a
bold stance that we can no longer deny the problems that are occurring inside
the churches. It seems that it is a very
difficult topic for most Christians to address, but not one that can be denied
any longer. Laaser further stated, “The
availability of pornography through mainstream media has increased
dramatically. We are waging a war on
sexual addiction and sexual morality-and we are losing.” (p.17).
According to
Laaser (2004), pastors have been slapped on the hand and removed from their
pulpits and sent to other churches where the problems persist. The idea of treatment was one that was
basically never addressed. What most
people fail to realize is that most sex addicts have been victims of childhood
abuse. “Some sex offenders are
sociopaths meaning they have no sense of right or wrong” (Laaser, 2004 p.
43). These disorders can cause them to
act out in fits of rage, anger and a need to control others. Laaser discusses the issue of sexual addicts
need to be boastful which can lead to self-righteous attitudes. They are constantly trying to convince others
that they are good people.
Many people that
suffer from sexual addiction do not acknowledge that it is that bad. Laaser explains that sexual addicts need to
be confronted about their sexual behavior, and many need to account for the
consequences for the pain they cause for themselves and others. Many sexual addicts want to be in the right
group of people and can often become prejudiced to others outside the group
they are connected to. This leads to
self-righteous perceptions (Laaser, 2004).
When problems like this arise among believers, sexual addicts believe
they can be miraculously delivered from sexual temptations, and this is a
misconception because if this were true, God would remove our ability to
exercise free will. Laaser states “the
bible is consistently teaching us that temptations give us opportunity to make
moral choices for ourselves, and in turn this builds us up in strength” (p.
54).
Sexual addicts
are not able to express themselves emotionally, nor will they allow themselves
to be vulnerable towards others. (Laaser, 2004). Laaser furthered explained that sex addicts
are far more comfortable speaking about their feelings with strangers more so
than those they are close to. Many times
they spend money on themselves and do not like to explain what happened to it,
or to be held accountable in their overspending habits. “Sexual addicts need to learn how to deal
with emotional and spiritual issues in healthy ways, before they can deal with
the addiction itself” (Laaser, 2004 p. 58).
Sexual addicts use humor that is constantly surrounded around sexual
content, or telling sexual jokes, which can lead to sexual harassment. They currently are obsessed with pornography,
and will often hide material to keep it from being found. Many signs can be seen if you know what to
look for. Laaser states that “They tell
sexual jokes; they touch people in ways that do not feel right, they give to
many hugs, and they are looking, always looking” (p.67).
Laaser explains
that our spirits and minds are filtered to everything we soak in and when
former abuse has transpired the living water of Christ can be poured into this
person, and it comes out still poisoned with beliefs that they are
worthless. Until those wounds are
identified and confronted these issues are not resolved, even after a person
accepts the Lord (Laaser, 2004).
Laaser examines what he calls rules. 1). we don’t talk. 2). we don’t feel. 3). we minimize our problems. 4). we blame others for our problems. 5). we minimize our problems. This becomes apparent that we do not want to
experience the pain of what needs to occur in order to lead us towards recovery
and redemption. Laaser states “God can
use our brokenness to be wonderful healers.
The problem occurs when these people only know how to take care of
others and have no idea of how to care for themselves” (p. 99). This creates imbalance, stress, anger and
burn out. There are many broken people
that have suffered abandonment, and while they may seem like they are
physically present, they seem very cold and unresponsive or show a lack of
concern. (Laaser, 2004). “Emotional incest can occur when an alliance
if formed against one parent, and if the other parent does not prevent this or
goes along with it, it creates a very painful feeling of abandonment” (p. 100).
Laaser addresses
the roles of sexual addiction, which begins in unhealthy family dynamics,
abuse, wounded self, shame, coping, surviving, and leading to sexual
addiction. Laaser also addresses three
spiritual questions. 1. Do you want to
get well? 2. What are you thirsty for? 3. Are you willing to die to yourself? Sexual addiction is very prevalent in the
churches today so we have to start to acknowledge the issues and stop pushing
it under the rug, because it will fester as history has proven this time and
time again.
Analysis
It seems very
clear that Laaser is acknowledging the problem of sexual addiction and pleading
throughout his writings that the church can no longer stand in denial of this
destructive pattern that has come through sexual addiction. He brings a great deal of enlightment about
how our childhood can lead into these destructive patterns when abuse has occurred,
and can also be dangerous is they are not attended to. From what I have read, it seems that the
author is trying to address the church to understand the causes, and to stop
hiding an epidemic of destruction that is growing in magnitude by so much
exposer in the modern world to sexual themes.
Laaser is trying to address the causes of the problem, and also giving his
audience clear warning signs of what can happen through denial. Laaser provides research that is quiet
shocking in revealing that forty percent of pastors have viewed pornography on
the internet. I think his argument is
clear, but somewhat vague in the accountability of the addict themselves. Overall I find the book to be very
resourceful, truthful and forth right.
If the subject of sexual addiction is addressed, and is a relevant
problem within our society then our churches should be the first ones willing
to acknowledge the problems and to work towards healing and recovery. I am in agreement that in spite of the
discomfort of the subject, it can no longer be hidden or swept away.
Conclusion
I think this book is a great tool to bring
awareness of the causes of sexual addiction.
While the church seeks to shun those people that have this disorder, we
must examine the root cause of why these actions are carried out, and do all
that we can to work together towards recovery and redemption for both victim
and the one that invades that area of trust.
I would like to see this book fall into the hands of every pastor, youth
leader and Christian Counselor, to the abuser and the victim. While I think there was more attention
focused on the addict, there needs to be closure for victims in these times of
healing to understand how these horrible things can occur. One of the stages of victimization is
forgiveness and it can be very hard, and can take many years to reach this
point of recovery, but I think this book could be vital in helping someone find
the strength to forgive. We often seek
to deny those things that we cannot understand.
While we may not ever be able to fully understand it, we need to be mindful
of this problem and seek to understand why and how people fall into the vicious
cycle of sexual addiction. Until we seek
to understand the pain of others, we can’t help in their path to healing,
recovery and redemption which lead to the way of the cross and knowing that the
Lord bore all sins and died for all.
References
Laaser, Mark R. Dr. (2004) Healing the Wounds of Sexual
Addiction
