Teenagers are difficult no doubt. They are going through one of the most critical periods of there lives. They aren't little children, nor can they have a clear judgement about there lives and there decisions always. I have learned many things about the feelings of wanting to have what you think you want. Sometimes for an adolescent this is not always sound judgement. When I was 13 life at home was very dis functional and I wanted to always be somewhere else. My friends were an escape and they had a great influence on many things that I did. Because of the confusion at home very often I would ask to go somewhere and more times than not It was agreeable. In other words, because of the confusion at home, thoughts weren't focused on what I was doing when I left home. Not to say that my parents didn't love me, but very often when we are dealing with our own problems at home we loose focus, because of the stress in our own lives.
Should we be our children's best friends? I think not. Many kids today are watching everything we do. Whether we are smoking, drinking or not dealing with our problems. They know every detail. We model so many things in there lives. Children project what they learn into there own lives. I remember wanting to be away from home because of alcoholism or fighting many times at home. I wanted to be any place but home. I babysit my brothers and sisters and sometimes even felt as though they were my own kids. I was the oldest out of 7 and had a great deal of responsibility because so often there was so much dysfunction going on there was a great deal of distractions of what we were doing at kids. We could wonder off for miles and there was never a problem with that because we could do what we wanted and as long as we were home before bedtime It was all good.
At 13 I left to go and live with my Dad and he was going through a divorce at the time and resowing some of his oats and was very liberal in what he would allow me to do. I of course had been sneaking around for a year before with cigarettes and I was caught smoking. I was amazed at how this seemed like it was really know big deal to him. He started buying me cigarettes and I felt very uncomfortable about it, but I pursued this because I was very young and didn't have a clue about judgements and how they could damage my life. It didn't seem to worry my parents at the time. Through this process, drinking was added and also I was allowed to drink. This was a critical time and it was so easy to do rebellious things or daring things because it was easily available. I moved in with my dad at the time because of the fighting at home which seemed unbearable at times. I was however not allowed to smoke or drink at home, it was a lack of supervision and not a great deal of focus on me because my mother was greatly distracted by her own problems.
I stayed with my dad and I thought he was the greatest at this time because he would let me do these things. I thought this was loving by allowing me to have my way. I can remember being dropped off at the corner hang out by my Father and he never questioned me or worried that my life could be in danger. I wasn't mature enough at the time to care because teenagers just wish to have there way and can't discern these things for themselves. Distant from my mother for several years I moved to Virginia with my Father without consent from my mother. My mom later discovered I was out of state and she went into a mode of panic. At this time I felt a huge emptiness and there was no God to direct my paths or nurturing from these harmful things that were happening.
My mother was insist ant that I come home. She sent for me a plane ticket and I flew back to my mother when I was 15 years old. I will never forget the feeling of seeing her run to me as I got off the plane. She grabbed me up and hugged me tighter than I ever remembered before. It was one of the best feelings that I can remember between us. I felt she truly cared. She had found out about the marijuana and was very concerned that I had became addicted on drugs. That was not the case but I had certainly lost a great deal of innocence of what I had become with open doors that allowed me to walk through them with little resistance.
At 16 barely shy of 17 I became an unwed mother. I had one boy friend and that was one from high school. Again I was allowed to date at an early age and very little restrictions placed upon me besides a 12 o'clock curfew. I was following suit in some of the other girls around me that had steady boyfriends. I was totally and literally as lost as a goose. My oldest daughter Erica descended into the world and an entire new experience came about. Even in the midst of hardship and being a young mother I knew I would do all I could to protect her. Thinking in the mind of a 17 year old. Still very immature but the best of intentions.
My point to this all is when my daughter came into her preteens, I knew I didn't want to be her best friend. I wanted to do what was best and protect her from the drug culture and would not allow her to drink in my presence and would teach her things about God that I had learned over the years. She went through her trials as well and rebellions. She to ran to places maybe she could be further acquainted with getting her way. It may have seemed like I was a prude, but did not want these things to happen to her life. My daughter is 29 now and she has children too. She told me recently in a conversation along with another teenage girl going through some problems her self. Your mother can't be your best friend growing up. I never knew why my mom wouldn't allow me to do certain things in my teenage years and you never really appreciate that type of care until you see the eyes of your own child. It is not important to be your child's best friend or to allow your vices to fall upon them.
There is a scripture that always brings me back to a sobering thought. Train up a child and when he is old he will not depart from it. Reading this if you look closely it says when he is old. God knows the young have rebellious hearts. These are the reasons he blessed children with parents to guide and steer them in the right directions. We didn't always go to Church but I did attempt to teach them the rules of walking a line of correction and consequences to bad decisions and cared enough to discipline and correct them when they made poor decisions. So many parents are dealing with these issues today, and we do not do our children justice when we put them in vulnerable positions and they watch our every moves and how we live our lives. They still look to us when they are grown and examine our true selves to what we teach to them. If it is hypocritical, when they see you doing these same things, they will bring it to your remembrance. Train up a child in the way that he should go and when he is older he will not depart from it. Your teenager is not going to understand your rules but they definitely understand whether you are allowing them to be put in dangerous situations. They will reflect back and one day question why you allowed them to go through those doors.
We must never give them all of there desires. They are learning and want to have there way about it all. They can not discern having safe judgements without our guidance or concern. Your kids may not like you for it but they will love and appreciate you much in every way in the end. Care enough to tell them no. Care enough to check on them. Don not let them wonder off in a place that is very unknowing and unsafe for them. Communicate but do not compromise there lives for the sake of pleasing them apart from your better judgement. God bless, a lesson well learned from experience.
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