The Awakening of the Emotional Tragedy of 9/11

Picture is in commemoration of a first responder and dear friend Paul Palmisano.  Paul is a principle that teaches troubled teens and was on the scene of 9/11 to help and provide assistance anyway he could.  9/11 is a very hard day for him to get through.  The memory of 9/11 will be forever with him, and as tragic as it was to be at ground zero that day, Paul has shown resilience through his pain and continues to help those that seem so helpless to help themselves.  I am very honored by his friendship.  This page is also dedicated to those troubled kids that he loves so much.  Please visit the school and see what Paul is doing with his life twelve years later.  www.ourlife.academy.com

Abstract
     Twelve years ago on September 11, 2001 the American people were faced with a national media crisis as the twin towers in lower Manhattan collapsed from terror attacks in full living color from the comfort of their homes.   Never has such an event shook the stability and securities of millions of citizens as each individual can vividly give an account of what transpired that day.  There have been close to 3000 deaths that occurred from the attacks and 2000 more from health conditions afterwards.   There will be an examination of interventions that were used, and the pros and cons of how this one act of aggression on American soil has reshaped a new era of counter terrorism.   There are many questions that are full of gaping debates on how the crisis was handled and what might have been done differently by governing officials. Looking back and into the future America still struggles to find solutions on a grander scale that can bring us to clearer objectives in the wake of 9/11 attacks.  While wars are still being consumed by those past events, there are thousands of military personnel that are still facing the crisis of war, and also suffer from post-traumatic stress disorder along with a country that has grown weary to a battle that is still not clearly defined. There are still many unfulfilled answers that have not been given, which leaves no scab to the current wound of knowing the full truth of what happened on that day, and how it changed our complete perceptions overnight. Until clear answers are given, there is no end to what this aggression has cost so many in their search to find healing.   Americans are looking for closure to what happened on that day. The evidence that will be presented will be based on research of those that seek the truth about 9/11, and more effective ways that we can deal with a crisis that is still plaguing the minds of the American psyche as we continue to deal with terrorist attacks abroad.

The Awakening of the Emotional Tragedy of 9/11

Description of the Crisis

     It was a clear and beautiful skyline across New York City the morning of 9/11.  Four American planes were high jacked after they were boarded.  Two of the planes were purposely driven into the World Trade Center in New York City.  When the first plane hit, most people believed it had been a terrible mistake or accident, and then several minutes later another plane hit the other building.  It became quite obvious to most people that the country had been attacked from within.  The entire country was in a state of shock as millions watched the towers burn and collapse from their television sets in the comfort of their homes.  Another plane destroyed part of the Pentagon building, and the forth one crashed in Pennsylvania.  According to the News broadcast that morning the passengers had tried to prevent the plane from crashing into any more buildings, and a few of the passengers had broken into the cock pit and struggled with the terrorists while crashing into an open field killing all that were on board.

     Who would do such a thing, was the ultimate question of every American that morning.  There were a total of 19 terrorists that were involved in the incident of all four planes.  There were news reports that were calling this group Al Qaeda.  America was told that they opposed western culture, and they practiced an extreme form of Islam that had been orchestrated by Osama Bin Laden. (Natalie Smith, 2013)

     The strike hit at the heart of America, and there was great mourning, anger and confusion that flooded the entire country.  The entire media was flooded with coverage as it played over and over with the scenes of that horrible morning.  Americans were not prepared for any attack of this magnitude.  The United States had been protected from invasions with the vast sizes of the oceans of both coast lands.  At this particular time terrorism was something that most common people in America did not concern themselves with, but the fate of the attack of September the 11^th brought the shock and horror of what can change the feelings of safety to a very insecure feeling of fear, rage and helplessness.

       It was a different crisis; something Americans had never experienced from their very homes.  It was an unthinkable act that our very own planes would become the weapons that destroyed our landmark of national freedom along with thousands of working Americans that set from their desks conducting business from the apple of our land.  Most people can still remember exactly where they were and what they were doing at the time of the attacks.

       There was horror and destruction at ground zero as many first responders, policemen and fireman sacrificed their lives to save any remaining survivors.  In the American spirit this attack entered the hearts and minds of all that witnessed the tragedy, and many are still unable to grasp such a horrible incident.  The faces covered in white ash running away from the building.  The jumpers that fell to their death rather than being burned alive was not a motion picture coming from the screens, but real life people just like the rest of us.  These scenes are buried into the memories of all that witnessed these events on that memorable day that will never be forgotten.

Historical Context of September the 11^th after the First Five Years

     In October following the attacks, the US and its allies invaded Afghanistan where the terrorist cell was based.  The Taliban government was protecting Osama Bin Laden and there were training camps that were being ran from the country itself.  US forces destroyed the Taliban.  Since 2001 there were many Al Qaeda members that were captured or killed.  The US then invaded Iraq in 2003 because of intelligence that Sad am Hussein was hiding weapons of mass destruction.  This war was one that was well supported by most of the American people because of the fear that was inflicted from the attack on 9/11.  It was later determined that no chemical weapons had been found.  Hussein was later captured and executed by an Iraqi court.  The US government took steps to ensure tighter security and safety for the American people during this time.  Airports were more secured and people welcomed the changes hoping it would make lives more secure from the events of 9/11.  Public buildings were more secure, and a new government position was taken to secure Americans against terrorism known as Home Land Security.

     According to Christopher Reed (2004), in global statistics of war world wide 9/11 was relatively minor, but due to the fact that Americans have lived for centuries protected by bodies of ocean water, the US was over confident that no foreigners or invaders could bomb the area. Reed stated, “September 11^th carnage was psychologically catastrophic.  Americans said it changed the world, but in fact Americans, or the US government, are making the most changes” (p 1).   Americans have taken losses in the casualties of war, but the war against terror cannot be so formalized, but that is really not the point of the statement.  Americans need to be advised that the world is a very shocking and violent place and 9/11 is a constant reminder of the day that a country awoke from their sleep (Reed, 2004).

     During this time period President Bush made claims that war in Afghanistan and Iraq had made not just the US safer, but the entire world.  This statement is simply not true.  The death toll from terrorism in the year 2002 was approximately 750.  In 2003 it was around 650.  In 2004 it exceeded 1000 deaths, and this did not include the 191 deaths in Madrid, and the 271 deaths in the Shiite festival in Iraq the same month (Reed, 2004).  The most hoped for incident had not occurred, the capture of Bin Laden as he presumed to move about from cave to cave in neighboring countries.  The frustrations and effect of war was taking a toll on the American people will very little closure of the atrocities of 9/11.  America was suffering causalities of war, and the structure of a safe place has been changed by the new policies of Home land Securities.

                              Historical Context 10 years after the Tragedy of 9/11

     According to the Lancet journal (2011), the attacks of 9/11 were the deadliest seen on American Soil since World War 2.   The events from that day changed the Historical Trajectory of the United States of America, and it continues today to have profound effects and consequences in health.  It was further stated that “One inadvertent consequence was that, on a population level, anxiety, fear, and sometimes xenophobia were fostered at home and overseas”. (p 1).   Many American Muslims felt stigmatized and intimidated, while the government continued to shift its spending priorities into home land security and emergency preparedness, and because of these things, health as a whole suffered greatly. (Lancet Journal, 2011).

     Ten years after the 9/11 attacks New York City is still greatly affected.  During this time more focus was being placed on the surveillance of the World Trade Center survivors and there long term mental and physical health concerns.  In 2010 Health and Compensation Act was established providing 2.8 billion dollars with those that had been affected by illnesses caused by the attack of the World Trade Center.  There were 3000 victims as well as first responders that endured ongoing health problems that needed a continuation of treatment.  The health of troops returning from Iraq and Afghanistan is an ongoing concern.  There were an estimated 46,000 troops that were currently serving in Iraq with 98,000 deployed to Afghanistan.  There was a growing number of military personnel that were returning with brain injuries as well as Post Traumatic Disorder, depression, suicide, alcohol misuse, and sometimes aggressive behavior towards others.  As many as 10 to 20 percent of soldiers that have been exposed to combat were suffering from mental illness that resulted from the 9/11 attacks as they were called to defend the country against terrorism (Lancet Journal, 2011).

                                    What has the country learned from the attacks of 9/11?

     The greatest significance to 9/11 is that the entire country woke up to something it had little knowledge of because of our vulnerabilities of our constructed safe haven.  Our minds turned away from the simple things, and made us examine other parts of the global world, and the ugly faces of terrorism, no matter who was responsible there have been huge debates on what actually happened on the date of 9/11.  In the wake of the incident the country rose above it differences and united for a time period with people that simply dropped everything they were doing at the time to reach out to a disaster they felt so helpless to.  It was a clear example of the human spirit and empathy towards each other in the period of shock and despair.  Many people had a growing concern for their families at home, and viewed what happened to those that passed on could have been their own family members.  It was a call of the American people to act quickly, and there was a huge response during a time that the complete Nation mourned over the aggression on civilian suffering and loss.

     In the response of war I think there has been discovery that has been seen that terrorism brought a new type of crisis in which we were not fully prepared, even those that had been trained for such events ever expected something so tragic.  Terrorist knew that playing upon the fears of the American people would create an unbearable wound.  In the progress to move forward we have ventured out to learn more about global cultures in trying to grasp an understanding of how something like this could have occurred.  Looking back to what happened from the beginning until now, we definitely need to be more psychologically prepared for terrorist attacks and there will be years of studying new crisis interventions to meet that calling in the future. 

     What we failed to understand was the impact of who was affected by these senseless attacks.  According to Roxane Irvine (2011), she stated that “most of the research has considered the burden of posttraumatic stress disorder on individuals who were proximal to the attacks, lost a loved one, or engaged in cleanup or recovery, but the psychological impact spilled over beyond those directly exposed, affecting those who merely witnessed the attacks indirectly.  Indeed, this spillover went far beyond posttraumatic stress responses” (p 427).  Although many questions have remained unanswered, psychological research is making impressive contributions towards bringing these topics that are of great consequence to our survival past an attack such as 9/11.

     The aftermath of 9/11 also opened up new doors that included faith based groups that have proven to have valid consideration to helping those with these types of disorders.  Before 9/11 there were no answers in a way to intervene outside of secular means, but many felt the need of spiritual interventions as well as other resources to help them cope.  There has been a huge increase of lay counselors that have increased since the incident of 9/11.  There has never been a greater need of spiritual strength in the face of complete darkness and despair.  Many of the survivors and first responders felt a strong desire to help, and most drew incredible strength from God to help them digest what they were up against.

       I hope in the field of crisis interventions there will be more spiritual counseling on a wider scale so that we can prepare Americans on an individual basis of the realities of what can happen in the wake of such a man-made disaster.  Not only as a crisis counselor intervening, but also educating people to be aware of the dangers and stay diligent in the days ahead.  Many believe that 9/11 was a huge call for Americans to get there houses in order, and to also prepare themselves for the evil that dwells among us.  9/11 was a clear call to awake from every individual perspective.

            Taking a look closer at the Interventions that were used after the 9/11 attacks.

     There are several aspects of crisis intervention that should be clarified through the attacks of 9/11.  According to Irwin Mansdorf (2008), first there needs to be an understanding that terror attacks are far different from other disasters.  There is no warning or familiar scope of nature.  Second, the stress was not only associated to those that were victims, but were felt across the country, showing 44 % of adults and 35% of children showing what is called as substantial symptoms that related to upsetting reminders, disturbing memories, unable to concentrate, sleep deprivation and irritabilities.  This crisis is one that is known as crisis by observation.  The third and most important of all is how terror can create an ongoing personal threat in different societies.  This creates an ongoing need for vigilance that is not at all common in other types of crisis or natural disasters (Mansdorf, 2008).  He further suggests that this type of exposure to terrorism increases the vulnerability on a wider scale, and there have been suggestions made that pre attack intervention or preparation would be helpful in dealing with these sorts of symptoms.

     Although there is some evidence of research that indicates that immediate calls for psychological first aid rather than those of clinical interventions, there are questions that have been raised about conducting any intervention at all, because research has also shown that some people may if fact do better the less emotion they express at the particular time of the trauma.  CISM has a lengthy history and there have been questions that have been raised about the efficacy.  The most controversial aspect of CISM is the debriefing phase where it takes place within 24 hours of the crisis.  It is where emotional expression is encouraged, and a review of the experience in group settings to cognitively process the experience.  At Oxford University there was a study that was conducted known as the Cochrane group study.  The conclusion regarding the one session was viewed as direct and blunt.  Psychological debriefing can contribute to making the severity of post-traumatic stress disorder worse.  It is also not recommended for depression, anxiety or psychological morbidity.  The study indicated that it may further the risk of PTSD as well as depression (Mansdorf, 2008).  After reviewing the evidence of the use of CISM with the first responders of 9/11 there is also research that would strongly disagree, and the arguments were defended by an accurate debriefing rather than one with lack of proper training.  A high base line of hyper arousal has a tendency to show worse results than other types of de briefing.   After the attacks of 9/11 the APA published fact sheets that encouraged the usage of resilience in dealing with psychological symptoms.  The fact sheet identified with the belief that most individuals were able to deal with high levels of stress and challenges.  Resilience is defined as the process of adapting well in the face of adversity, trauma and tragedies.  Consistent with the ability of resilience, there were a large number of people that suffered from PTSD, it was apparent that the largest majority of those that were exposed to terrorism showed a positive display of resilience.  On a reasonable basis it should be stressed on the importance of realistically providing an assessment of the damage from any attack, and the focus would be well on resilience, and using several specific interventions such as cognitive behavior therapy, medications as needed for high risk individuals that suffer a serious stress reaction (Mansdorf, 2008).

     Terror victims are unique and should not be treated the same as those from other disasters or trauma.  Regarding the events of 9/11 there would be a great deal of relevance and meaning to this particular group in the act of supported adjustment and reducing fears of a further attack or future terrorism.  The main objective is not whether psychological help should be given, but rather to know the limits, or if intervention should be needed at all.  Providing intrusive intervention could intensify the trauma by not allowing natural coping skills to be engaged would not be productive in the events of terror attacks.  There should never be an intention to expose individuals to emotional levels that are not productive.  There was a review of crisis intervention that included several approaches including CISM and debriefing and the reports came back effective, and it was focused on guidance on handling emotional and behavioral symptoms.  There is no definite treatment for terror related attacks.  This is the reason it is vitally important to take a conservative outlook while being extremely careful to not worsen the crisis or cause harm by intrusively conducting interventions.  It is critical that one does not attempt to overtreatment.  There are disasters with crisis intervention workers and their thoughts are well and meaningful, but sometimes poorly prepared volunteers that are seeking to help providing psychological assistance can be over intrusive which could possibly cause the crisis to worsen for the individual if they are suffering from PTSD.   There will be a continuation of broad scientific based interventions that will continue to be developed as past events continues to occur.  In the mind of a crisis intervention team, the main focus should be to do no harm intrusively, and to be empathetic to those that suffer from such incidences (Mansdorf, 2008).

                                                            Conclusion

     There are still many unanswered questions that surround the attack of 9/11, and with truthful answers there is a closure that can take place in the minds of those that witnessed these things personally, as well as indirectly.  There are wide spread debates that have surfaced about whether we were told the truth of what occurred on the day of the attacks.  It is in the spirit of men and women to search out the truth, and then the bondage of freedom can be released.  There are many families that are still wondering about what happened to their loved ones, and question why the investigations of 9/11 are still incomplete.  Many of these problems have caused divisions even among our very government and where there is truth, there is closure.  Many people wonder if the wars have helped the situation of safety for those of our country.  Many people still live in a dark place concerning 9/11.  It was a dreaded scar that struck deep in the heart of every American that morning.  While sometimes it is not apparent for us to be able to understand something as horrible as 9/11, it is encouraging to think we can go back to that day where the country met in a united spiritual place that impacted our nation.  Learning to overcome and perhaps less of knowing why is what we long to seek in the days ahead as God guides us to move forward as a divine people who will lean on one another through our attempts to rise through the ashes.  Resilience is what has made this country the greatest of all nations.  May we live by that, and learn tolerance towards one another as we move forward in a dangerous world.  Perhaps in spite of the tragedies surrounding what happened on 9/11, it was a time like no other that we needed to awaken from the sleeping giant known as evil.

Have You Truly Made Your Amends?

I have lived with regrets and hurt other people and while my past no longer controls who I am, there is accountabilities that follow through every injury. Anger is masked through hurt and when you steal a child's identity for selfish reasons in sobriety they are going to experience injustice and loss of what happened to their childhood. A great deal of emotional abuse is covered with alcohol and substances, but when we rise above those numbing factors, reality is still there in their minds. 

     
       Never excuse your behavior and there are times we have to listen to those that we have robbed and cheated, even when it sounds angry.  This is a part of the healing process and if you are not ready to deal with those issues then you are not equipped to deal with your past or your accountability over the damage that was done.  I pray for those that are not willing to understand or be honest.

      While we know that we are supposed to honor our father and mother, very close to that passage it also states that Father's do not provoke your son's to wrath. When dealing with these situations; until there is a breakthrough there is not one that can demand respect when they are not fully facing the damage of the hurt. Part of our accountability is taking responsibility over what we have done, and it doesn't mean disregarding those that we have harmed or playing it off. This will only accumulate more rage and resentment.  Those that show no remorse for damaging one’s life have not faced the truth. They need help to come to terms with what their actions have caused. Anger is DANGER when left to itself.

      Most of what someone wants is honesty, and an understanding of what was done to them. It is much easier for forgiveness to happen this way in families and relationships.   Children respect protection from their parents, and when protection  has been severed throughout their lives, rage builds and confusion over what happened to them is overwhelming. This happens many times in sexual abuse cases, as well as a parent that has continued to use drugs with their child.   Injustice creates anger and feelings that were stolen from them in innocence.   Every child wishes they could do what they want but in reality they grow up, and if they are allowed to destroy themselves with a parent's consent or participation, they later realize how much protection they truly needed while wondering how this could happen to them. We were never meant to be our children's friends, or include them in situations that could ruin their lives, or even kill them.   

     There are many unanswered questions of why they were violated, and blame that person when they become addicted to sex or drugs. This is a horrible battle of one moving through this in their recovery process, and is a step towards healing. It is a long road to acceptance, and learning to forgive those that hurt us unjustly.   Anger is part of it, and families that wish to make amends cannot do this without accountability for their actions. There is no covering or mask that God does not witness, and while many people seek God while searching for answers, this one thing cannot be skipped over. The injury has to heal and sometimes if there is no accountability, the person must deal with that anger alone. Through the process of forgiveness and restoration we must look to God, even when others fail us or remain to stay as they are. We have no control and in our healing we have to give that anger over to God or we self-destruct. Some things are too hard for us alone, but with God all things are possible. Prayers!

      Denial is spiritual blindness that leads to deception.  If you walk in spiritual blindness, you will never be able to see where you are going, or clearly hear God’s voice in your life.  This is not a blame game, or a post to trample anyone with condemnation; it is a heart cry for the innocence lost.  I will speak up for those that cannot speak, and my words will trust in the Holy Spirit to heal and restore brokenness.  My prayers will flood like a river into the utter most parts of those secret places where there is no voice.   It is for a little girl and boy that have carried this burden for way to long.  It is for the man or woman that cannot face up to their wrongs.   I pray transformation and reconciliation into the process of healing and recovery.  May God guide you and be with you on a journey towards freedom and restoration.  There is nothing that cannot be forgiven, but every stone will be turned over and no secret will be covered.

       God is whom I fear and I will not be moved.  We have all fallen short, and this journey is impossible to walk alone when chains are bound to our souls.  Any family that is going through these trials, there is no healing that can take place until we are able to own up to the damages we have done towards others.  I pray you will make a choice of accountability.   You owe it to yourself and also to your loved ones.  May God guide you in your decision to break the yoke of deception.   I pray that you will take that step. 

 

Breaking the Silence of Sexual Abuse in the Church

 

 

                                                                    Abstract

     Sexual abuse among the church is an unsettling thought, but despite the discomfort there is a huge concern of covering up or silencing the growing problem.  In our society today there has been a huge distortion of what healthy sexuality is and what it is not.  The word sex is still one that is very discomforting among main stream churches.  Very often sexual acts are covered up while perpetrators are sent off to other places to minister, and sexually abused victims are quieted and left alone to battle the afflictions of pain concerning sexual abuse.  Powers can be misrepresented and very little counseling on the subject of sex has been available, and this has given rise to the openness of the media while sexual addictions are continuing to flood into the churches.  The reality of protecting sexual offenders and silencing those victims that have been abused can no longer be acceptable or ignored.  There is no justice of throwing out the sexual offender to be able to reoffend.  There is no justice to silence the victim.  There must be accountability to the offender, and the victim must never be silenced into submission.  There is a growing need for trained advocates to respond to these problems and provide biblical solutions and extensive counseling to this growing population.   The purpose of the paper is a labor of love that is given as a wakeup call faced by institutions in all cases of sexual exploitations. There is urgency regardless of the cost to break the chains of silence in order to help those that suffer from the growing problems of sexual addictions and victimization.

 There is a great deal of discomfort among Christians when it comes to dealing with sexual issues, but there are subjects that need to be addressed in order for healing to come to those that are suffering from sexual abuse.   The silence of victims can no longer be ignored or tolerated among believers in the body of Christ.  Our culture has a distorted view of what authentic sexuality is and these misconceptions are not biblical.   (Miller, 1993) stated “ This labor of love is given as a wakeup call to a world just starting to stir to the rumblings of the incredible challenges faced by beloved institutions in cases of sexual exploitation in their midst.” (p.iii)

     Most people find it very difficult as well to address sexual abuse by church leaders, but for those that have survived; the effects of it are devastating.  Often time’s victims have been blamed and the perpetrators have been protected.  The Bible is clear according to Ezekiel 34, as he spoke to Israel concerning the Shepherds who are fulfilling their selfish desires, and God promises that he will rescue his sheep from their mouths, so they will no longer be food for them.  God speaks and says, “I myself will search for my sheep, and will seek them out.” (vs. 11)  God truly has a heart for those that have been violated (Block, 2011).

     Statistically one in three girls will be victimized, and one in six boys by the age of eighteen years of age.  Most cases of sexual abuse are never reported.  One third all people have been affected by sexual abuse, and with that number it would seem that more resources would be poured into that problem, but the epidemic is still largely hidden in our society.  Only in the last fifteen years is the problem even being recognized, but there are professionals and survivors that are making a difference.  There are misconceptions about sexual abuse; although violence does exist, but molesting a child is not always physically painful to them.  Most people that think in terms of sexual abuse see a very violent picture in their minds, but there are those that prey upon their victims lavishing them with affection and gifts while violating their innocence for their own personal satisfaction.  This can occur without violence or force, but through manipulation or a false sense of loving the victim.  A child lacks the emotional maturity to understand the exploitation that is involved.  The perpetrator can use their age and power to achieve their distorted view of personal satisfaction.   Most of the time the perpetrator is someone that is close, and has a trusting relationship with the family and victim (Ferree, 2010).

     There are behavior patterns of what to look for in a sexual perpetrator; these things should

be understood and also draw concern.  The victims are made to feel important and valued, and
there is a longing for dependence upon the perpetrator for their help and support.  The offender
will often convince the victim that they are the only one that understands them.  Gradually the
abuser can introduce sexual behaviors in a way that does not seem inappropriate to the victim,
which could begin with a simple hug while moving forward with intensity as time progresses. 
Finally the abuser is more blatant about their abusive behavior.  This type of cohesion is more
applicable through power driven sources.  Children or adolescents do not understand these types
of techniques, and they can be easily violated by those that they trust (Block, 2011).

       There are very damaging consequences with those that have been victimized by church

members, leaders or caregivers and have long lasting effects on a person.  The sexual violation
effects the victims entire life including their feelings, relationships, and how they view their
personal spirituality.  There are enormous amounts of fear, guilt and repressed anger.  The
violation can shatter the victim’s ability to trust anyone.  In the process of what happens, there is
often blame towards themselves, and feelings of shame and devalue consume their emotions. 
There are many things that follow a person that has been sexually abused, and some of the
symptoms include depression, panic disorders and sleeplessness.  Many victims have
experienced eating disorders and can appear to be tired most of the time.  A survivor of sexual
abuse has a very hard time having intimate relationships that would include healthy sexual
experiences later in life.  Many sexually abused victims will turn to drug and alcohol as a coping
mechanism, or could be suicidal and have self-destructive tendencies (Block, 2011).

      There are lasting spiritual effects that happen to those when trusted individuals injure them,

especially those that is closely associated with the church.  There is often a great deal of
betrayal and often one might believe that God has abandoned them.  They might also suffer from
self-blame, thinking it is their fault.  Many victims feel that they are unworthy of God’s love. 
One of the most important things we can do for someone that has suffered from sexual abuse is
to listen to them, believe them, and to reassure that the violation was not their fault.
 (Block, 2011).

      When sexual victims are turned away, or made to feel as if they have not told the truth they

are silenced and suffer internally, and this continues to affect every aspect of their lives.  This
silence in the church and the misconceptions concerning sexuality have to be examined, because 
if there is no help to be given there will continue to be more statistics that will be taken in other
ways, such as drug addictions, sexual addictions and possibly suicides, among many other self
destructive problems that will stem from the pain (Laaser, 2004).   

      The number one cause of death among the young is suicide.  While these are difficult

problems to address we truly cannot afford to deny them any longer or simply look the other
way.  Offenders must be held accountable and it is the church’s responsibility to see that they
also receive the help that they need.  When sexual abuse occurs it is the responsibility of
everyone to make sure that the one that has violated someone sexually is held accountable for
their actions.  Sexual victims also need to receive the proper care, and the most critical thing that
can be done for them is to hear them, and not blame or ignore their cries for help.

      (Miller, 1993), stated, “The termites continue to eat deeper, and more people continue to be

injured.  The solution, as Dee recognizes is to acknowledge and confront wrong, build more
precautions into the system and to educate for prevention in order to create healthier individuals,
and a healthier system” (p vi).  There is hope for victims of abuse and the secondary victim, el.e.,
the church itself.  That hope will only exist if we examine the dynamics and stop denying,
avoiding, ignoring, and no longer burying our heads in the sand.  According to Miller she stated,
“the message of How Little We Knew is clear; This is no bad dream about to go away if we just
wait for things to settle down” (p. vii).

       (Balswick, 2008)explains that “one victim described their feelings of a hushed up secret that’s

too big for seventy times seven forgiveness” (p. 244).  Sexual violations are spiritual violations
and continue to have a huge impact of the victim and our society as a whole.  It should make one
wonder why the subject has been so widely ignored, and from the victim’s stand point there is
distorted reasoning that forgiveness is not accepted in their reality.  How sad that so many
hurting people feel as if they are to blame, and there is so safe place of comfort to be understood. 

     A perpetrator uses their most powerful position to take advantage of a child’s curiosity,
innocence and vulnerabilities.    There are also cases of incest where parents or family can also
misuse their power over the child to coerce them into sexual compliance.   It completely breaks
the bond of trust in the relationship and no child is ever prepared to deal with something so
tragic.  Families have also been known to minimize sexual abuse, and play it off as sexual
curiosity (Balswick, 2008).

     Female children are at a higher risk for sexual abuse as much as 83 percent and boys remain

at 17 percent and preadolescence is a time of higher risk.   A child is robbed of their personal
power, and this cannot be replaced once the violation has occurred.  Balswick stated “ That
suffering is not to be denied or forgotten, and talking about the pain can become an eventual
pathway to healing and restoration” (p. 253).  When the victim is released from the crippling
effects of what has happened to them they are then able to establish a new identity, and they are
no longer haunted by their past.  There is great help that therapists and Christian counselors can
provide for those that have had to endure the secret of their pain alone (Balswick, 2008).

    Sexual Offenders must recognize the pain that has been inflicted and that a serious spiritual

wound has occurred on their victim, also they must confess sincerely and remorsefully while
being able to explain to why what they did was wrong.  They should not be protected by family
and friends against legal actions.  This will only further the offenses that occur, while violating
against other victims.  Enabling offenders is the most dangerous decision that anyone can make,
and the protectors become part of the violations.  It does not matter the status because sexual
offenders come from all walks of life, and must be held accountable at all costs, and someone’s
status should never hinder a person from reporting the event if a violation has occurred
(Balswick, 2008).

      Balswick stated “It is disturbing that the United States ranks as one of the more rape prone

cultures” (p.261).  The statistics show that one in six women are sexually assaulted in the United
States.  It is sad that blame the victim has occurred, and the reason is that females are often more
sympathetic to this occurrence than males.  Very often the victims dress will be an excuse for the
assault to have taken place.   There are many victims that are victimized twice by social, health,
mental health and legal systems that are supposed to help them.   There is a need of support from
family, friends, and spiritual helpers that can be safe and trusting.   There are not enough trained
advocates that are involved in the needed work of the churches.  There is a stigma with victims
and offenders and as their stories are told they feel the churches are not a safe place to turn to.

      The purpose of this paper is to raise the awareness of Churches lacking the proper training of

knowing how to deal with sexual brokenness and violations.  Sexual abuse is a spiritual wound
that the Church should be prepared to deal with, but because of the stigma and distortion of how
sexual concerns are not to be heard, it has failed to see the damage of what denying these factors
has contributed to.  (Miller, 1993) states “that a faith that ignores accountability both to God and
to others- is in trouble” (p. vii).  The answers are no easy ones to provide, but the need is great
because the potential for victims is far too many.  For the individual first, churches, every
denomination and every cultural society, it is the intent to challenge God’s people to awaken, act
and as Miller states “to get one’s house in order, to live accountability, and to prevent further
injury.  The intent is to further the purposes of the church and communities to acknowledge that
sexual abuse occurs everywhere, and as servants in the fields there must also be
acknowledgement of what has been ignored, and the impending damages of where our cultural
views of sex have taken us and how they have been denied and ignored (Miller, 1993).

      The message is an urgent one and it is of great relevance.  Our faith and action can be

revitalized and redemption can occur for these victims that have lost their place and presence of
safety within our society.  The cultural impact of sex has also influenced our cultural views over
the years and the Bible has not handicapped believers, it is the culture and distortion of the true
authentic of healthy human sexuality and how that should be handled and taught among our
members.  There is a growing need of spiritual counselors, and also a biblical way to deal with
sexual brokenness.  50 to 60 percent of mental patients recorded in psychiatry have battled with
these problems of sexual abuse, and there are many that grow up to become offenders
themselves (Miller, 1993).

      It is imperative that exposure takes place in order to prevent revictimization by families and

the systems that are in place.  Whether it is recognized or not, revictimization occurs when
voices are silenced and swept under the rug.  It is a calling to the Church to address sexual abuse
when it is occurring within its own ranks.  Silence is the greatest perpetrator of all (Miller, 1993).

Honoring Vivian (my courageous friend that brought this every so clearly to my attention many
years ago.)

                                                                 References                

Balswick, J. K. (2008). Authentic Human Sexuality: An Integrated Christian Approach. Downers Grove: InterVarsity Press.

Block, H. (2011). Understanding Sexual Abuse by a Church Leader or Caregiver 2nd Edition. Canada: Mennonite Central Committee.

Diane Langberg, P. (2011). Trauma as a Place of Service. She's My Sister, 1-5.

Ferree, M. C. (2010). No Stones. Downers Grove: InterVarsity Press.

Laaser, M. R. (2004). Healing the Wounds of Sexual Addiction. Grand Rapids: Zondervan.

Miller, D. A. (1993). How Little We Knew. Lafayette, LA.: Prescott Press.

Patrick Carnes, P. (2001). Out of the Shadows. Center City: Hazelden.

 

 

         

    

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

       

    

                                                                

Are you an enabler? Coming to terms with Co addiction and the cycle of enabling.

There are multiple ways that a co addict can enable an addict.  According to Carnes (2001), there are many examples of how this can occur.  Many co addicts will hide the behavior of the addict.  Often times co addicts will try to protect the addict from having to deal with consequences due to their behavior or actions.  This could include lying, or covering up for them.  Very often co addicts will justify why the addict is behaving this way.    There can be grand explanations of rationalizations by the co addict to deny or overlook what is occurring with an addict.  Co addicts often feel responsible for the addicts behavior or actions.  There can be a great deal of self righteous criticism that is directed towards the addict by the co addict. 

     Martyrdom is part of the co addicts cycle in their distortion to become indispensable to the addict.  The addict in turn fails to meet all the co addict expectations which is next to impossible.  While the addict fails to recognize the needs of the co addict they repeat feelings of disappointed expectations and this becomes frustrating for the co addict because they simply cannot shape up the addict.  There is a misconception that sex is the most important sign of love.  Co addicts often validate the unworthiness that the addict is already feeling underneath.  In the process of the co addicts preoccupation of the addict and their problems, it becomes unmanageable for the co addict to take care of themselves.  Co addicts have a desperate need to feel loved and often times were not given that as a child (Carnes, 2001).

     Co addicts are often dominating or nurturing in nature and attempt to control others around them.  Addicts themselves often rely upon co addicts to pick up the peices and in most cases they are more than willing to do so.  There is a high resentment that is formed between the two relationships.  The addict feels that they cannot live up to the co addicts expectations and also feels a deep sense of guilt for not being able to meet those needs.  This becomes an unending cycle of enabling and also the co addict looses complete control over their lives because they are totally engulfed in the reflections of the addict which makes it impossible to deal with their own problems that need to be resolved (Carnes, 2001).

     The conclusion is that we in no way control the actions of another person.  Very often in helping others we step into a God like role that we simply cannot fill.  In doing so co addicts loose or have no personal identity outside of the addict.  The addict must be accountable and in many cases the co addict will prevent that from occurring.  Many co addicts are simply in denial and feel that they can help the addict through anything without the addict being accountable for their actions.  This is an impossible cycle and there is no help, and many times continues out through the life of the addict never being accountable.  The co addict hinders the recovery process, and can prolong an addict from being responsible for their choices and actions.

References:

Carnes, Patrick (2001), Out of the Shadows; Understanding Sexual Addiction

Reaction to No Stones, Women who have been redeemed of Sexual Addiction

     It seems to be out of the norm to hear about sexual addiction among women, but Marnie C. Ferree demonstrates courageous strength in identifying with what many women have been dealing with since the beginning of time.  The paper is a reaction to what was demonstrated in the book of No Stones:  Women redeemed from sexual addiction.  Several topics will be addressed such as the problems surrounding sexual addiction, family dynamics, treatment of sexual addiction and the role of the church.  A personal outlook will address how Marnie Ferree addresses the issues of sexual addiction among women.

                                                         Introduction

     No stones had a profound impact on how I viewed a women’s story of sexual addiction.  I feel the book is a blessing to anyone that struggles with any type of addiction, especially women dealing with sexual addictions.  The book gave me a different outlook of sexual abuse and women that carry those wounds.  Feree will demonstrate our views and they seem to be very informative on thoughts of abandonment issues along with what is defined in our psyche as sexual abuse.  She shares her story of a friend that never hurt her, but violated her for 15 years.  In my view of sexual addiction there would be pain and physical harm, but in Feree’s case her view of her abuser was of gentleness and compassion.  The greatest impact was to view a little girl that was being fondled in a gentle way, and in her story of recovery her view was a picture of rape and physical harm and she lived in silence of her violations, but she longed for the intimacy that came from her predator.  It gave me a totally different view of what many other women go through that become addicted to this type of abuse.  I see a clearer vision in my understanding of how to empathize with this woman, and I feel the book will give me greater understanding in the lives of women that struggle and act out in this confusing way.  I could feel the sense of abandonment and the lack of intimacy that she shared in her struggle through recovery.  The book is a powerful tool, and one that I believe can lead to redemption.  While the church has slept through the process of this terrible thing that has plagued our culture, this is a riveting story of how grace and restoration came to a very broken and confused family.  I applaud her courage to disclose her brokenness and to help others come to a greater understanding, and to open the eyes and ears of Christians.   I hope I will be able to use this information in my counseling process and I believe the book has definitely given me a great sense of understanding.  Not to condone the sin, but to understand how this can happen and the empathy I need to address it in my professional career. 

                                                           The Problem

     Feree (2010) gives her personal experience of what she believes to be sexual addiction in women.  She addresses the issues of our culture and the model of how our views have been distorted about how it seems acceptable behavior for boys to pursue sex, but the views of girls is quite the opposite and is addressed as perverted.  In her view women are not supposed to enjoy sex.  Feree is very clear that sexual addiction is a sin, but it is also a deeper level of a disease.  It does not take away the responsibility of the damage that is causes and the accountability of what the addict has done in their sinful behavior.

     Many sex addicts have been abused themselves.  The majority of them have abandonment issues, and are lacking intimacy in their relationships.  Many women will not address the issue of sexual addiction because the label is so horrible that most of them will continue to live in silence.  The shame of living a double life is overwhelming.  Signs of sexual addiction are depression, marital or relationship issues, substance abuse, eating disorders and personality disorders that are closely associated to sexual addiction (Feree, 2010).

     After learning about neurochemistry and how the brain responds in the areas of pleasure associated with sex, I agree that the addiction becomes a disease when left untreated.  Sex becomes similar to a hit of cocaine that provides the addict with the amount of dopamine to allow that fixation.  We have no control over pleasure areas of our bodies and in the event of sexual abuse of a child, I think it is possible over a period of time that addiction can become a disease even to a child that has been violated in this way and it continues in adulthood despite the shame.

                                                Family Dynamics

     There is a picture of what sexual abuse looks like to many people, and in many cases the violations are nonviolent.   Most sexual abuse occurs with people that are very close to the family.  In my personal experience when I was a child I was violated and it was a painful and discomforting experience and I was able to tell my mother.  The assault did not occur but a few times, but it did have an impact on my views of what healthy sexuality truly was.  In the case of Feree is was a man that worked with her father in ministry and he never hurt her, and in her mind he was being loving to her and it continued for a process of fifteen years.  Many girls are vulnerable and do not understand or discern the nature of sex at such a young age.  They are innocent and have no escape in many of these situations.  The lasting impact is the longing for intimacy and the love of a lost parent or in Feree’s case; a father that devoted his life to ministries, that was never there and losing her mother at such an early age of three.   My views of a sexual addict would be someone that caused physical pain and there was no comfort or enjoyment.  In Feree’s case her perceptions were that this person was compassionate and loving to her (Feree, 2010).

     There are healthy and unhealthy families.  In many situations secrets are not allowed to be talked about and swept under the rug.  Also unhealthy families will disallow negative feelings and they are not to be entertained.  It is to pretend the problem does not exist.  Many unhealthy families blame the child and accuse them of having a dirty mind.  Unhealthy families blame others and never take responsibility for the wrongs. 

                                                Treatment of Sexual Addiction

      Feree addresses tools of recovery and she suggests to pray daily and attend twelve step meetings, and to work the steps.  These steps consist of making peace with God, making peace with ourselves, making peace with others and maintaining the peace and giving it away.  Reading recovery literature is helpful; journal writing and establishing accountability consisting of a sponsor, and a recovery network.  Sexual addicts should seek to establish physical boundaries avoiding sex and mental emotional boundaries while enforcing those boundaries and continuing recovery.  I agree that the twelve step program is a start on the road to healing and redemption.  I feel that after reading this book that it added a great deal to my learning experiences and feel more confident to approach sexual addictions than I did before, and understand a great deal more than before (Feree, 2010).

                                             Sexual Addiction and the Church

      The church can no longer turn its eye’s away from sexual addiction.  It is a growing problem within the church itself.  We have a religious perception that sex is wrong or an ugly subject.  There are mixed messages for women to look attractive, but then condemns them for having sex.  There is a false sense that Christian marriages do not have sexual problems, and this is simply not the case.  Girls are taught that we must be good in order to be worthy of love, and if we are sexual we are bad.  Mixed messages are displayed that we must be sexual in order to be lovable.  We have been taught to value our woman hood by how desirable we are sexually or romantically.   Feree stated “Rather than offering grace and help to struggling believers, the church has usually been quick to shoot it’s wounded as Charles Swindoll describes it (p.55). 

     The church has failed miserably and it is time to stop throwing stones at women that struggle with sexual addictions.  They need to be encouraged toward educated approaches that have been proven to help (Feree, 2010).  I would have to agree with Feree completely on the stance that the church has taken.  To understand healthy sexuality there are biblical principles that teach us the meaning and God never demonstrated that sex was a shameful thing in the committed area of relationships between a man and woman.  Our distorted perceptions of misdirected thoughts of sex I feel may have contributed to the problem.  There is a great need for help in these areas and to provide the same type of encouragement that Jesus did when he dealt with the issues of women that were caught in adultery.  He told us that he did not come to condemn the world, but to save that which was lost.  Sexual addiction is a dark place and instead of throwing stones, we need to help these broken people get the spiritual counseling that is needed in order for them to enter recovery.  Grace and mercy are extensions that Christ has shown to each of us, and we have all fallen short.

     I feel very blessed to have had the opportunity to read and examine some of the processes of sexual addictions and to be reminded of how Jesus viewed women and never condemned them, even in the very act which they were caught.  We can no longer ignore those that long to reach out for help.  We must equip ourselves with the Holy Spirit having greater understanding of God’s word and how we are supposed to respond to the broken and abandoned.  It is my prayer that though books like No stones we can become aware of the damages we do by turning those that are hurting away.

                                                           References

Ferree, M.C. (2010) No stones; Women redeemed from sexual addiction  

    

        

                  

 

 

Comparing Controversial Issues of Healthy and Unhealthy Sexuality

                        Comparing Controversial Issues of Healthy and Unhealthy Sexuality

                                              

 

 Introduction

     There is a growing trend of controversy on many sensitive subjects concerning sexuality and how they should be addressed.  The media and information technology has added a great deal of influence of how lives are viewed and pressures of what is acceptable, verses what can be damaging concerning sexuality.   It seems there is a vast array of confusion about what is a healthy and authentic, verse what is harmful and leads down a path of brokenness and destruction.   These areas will be examined and debated while seeking a healthy and whole recourse of how God intended us to live our lives to be whole and with purpose.

                                      
                                                       I.  Singleness, Teenage Pregnancy

     According to Amanda Gardner (September, 2012) from USA Today, she explains what a poor job our society has done teaching our children sexual education in the public school system, and how parents have neglected to talk to kids about sex, because of their embarrassment on the subject.  Gardener feels that contraceptives or the discussion of STD’s has not been addressed enough with the young, nor have teenagers been directed to wait and have sexual relations later on.  There are many ad campaigns on erectile dysfunction but no birth control options and emergency contraception available.  According to Gardner are we doing things backwards?  She expresses that the media is unhealthy and not realistic and promotes sex that does not address the consequences of sexual behavior. (Gardner, Amanda, 2012).

     It is very true that parents have been ashamed to discuss sexual experience with their children and it is not productive to just tell them no.  There is much more to human sexuality and the media is collecting upon the vulnerabilities of our youth.  I do not however agree that birth control is the option to teach our children what sexual purity is and why it is important for them to abstain even though their experience of raging hormones are a part of their development.  This issue is nothing to be ashamed of, but our children need to be prepared and understand what is happening to them, or it can become uncontrollable.  The church has an obligation to teach our children about these topics as well and we need to identify with them and understand them as God does.  There are consequences of the wrong choices that we make if we are not acting in accordance with the Holy Spirit.   “It is God’s will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality; that each of you should learn to control his own body in a way that is holy and honorable, not in passionate lust like the heathen, who do not know God; and that in this matter no one should wrong his brother or take advantage of him.  The Lord will punish men for all such sins, as we have already told you and warned you.  For God did not call us to be impure, but to live a holy life.  Therefore, he who rejects this instruction does not reject man but God, who gives you his Holy Spirit. (1 Thessalonians 4 3:8 (NIV).  This does not mean that sex is bad but it was meant for committed relationships and ordained by God, the point remains that if restraint is not studied or explained it can spiral into a life time of repeated destruction.

     What is failed to be addressed is that birth control is offering teens a way to continue into destructive patterns that allow them to have no consequence of what they are doing.  What needs to be identified is recognizing that behavior, one’s attitude or activities that are not driven by or grounded in committed, caring, trusting love for the other person and it is self-centered.   While the media has focused on teenage peer groups that are influenced around the consumption of fulfilling a physical desire without considering the consequences of the choices that are made, the disheartening truth of legalized abortion comes into question with many teenage girls who possibly do not consider the consequences of what may occur later in life or the lasting results of the guilt, murder and psychological damage that has occurred.  There is a pattern of not being accountable for the decision that one might be making which leads into a more painful area of destruction.   Many times abortion is used as a birth control, so I think it is unwise to focus on education of birth control as abortion is also considered one of those options.  It can be desensitized as birth control, but as believers we clearly understand it is murder, but the prochoice option is that you have the right to destroy another life that cannot defend itself legally.  This continues to take focus away from responsibility and God’s original plan.  This is greatly debated across the country today as there have been over twenty million abortions performed since 1973 Roe Verses Wade.  (Clinton, Tim HS 502).  It is apparent that if we continue to focus upon birth control many more lives of the innocent will have to pay the price for our irresponsible choices.   I strongly disagree this approach only creates a more destructive path.

       Post Abortion Syndrome can last for many years leaving the mother feeling that she will never be worthy again.  Many women do not have the ability to process the painful emotions that come from abortion.  It can be parallel to Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.  Many times girls are coerced by their family or father of the baby.  The average age that girls are the most vulnerable are between the ages of 14-24.  While we certainly do not want to promote abortions to women, if this has occurred it is very important that they know there is no sin
God cannot and does not want to forgive.   All of these situations come into play when dealing with an unwanted pregnancy.  There are options like adoption that would be a better course of action than simply destroying a life.

     In an article written by (Savage, Lauren, June 2011), she states “Just because we are not ready or able to commit to someone emotionally, does not mean we cannot fulfill our desires sexually.  Or are friends with benefits designed to crash and burn?  This demonstrates what many young singles are facing today that are not willing to commit, but have sexual desires that are longing to be met.   She basically states that sexual bonds only are not appropriate for everyone but if your emotions are up for it there are rules that should be followed.  The most important thing is to make sure you are only interested in a physical aspect of the connection.  Do not mistake sex for intimacy or deeper connections and if those feelings start to occur end the relationship immediately.  (Savage, Lauren, 2011).

     This is a primary example of where the media has taken us.  The views here are we can be physical beings and there is no need for intimacy.   Many fail to understand that sexuality and spirituality are not separate.  Sexuality is a definite expression of spiritual intimacy. 
We know this to be true because it is reflective of a relationship with God.  Here we can examine that after the fall of man sexuality became selfish.  Sex was designed so that we would meet each other’s needs not that we would seek to desire our own selfishly.  Many singles are acting out of loneliness, but sexuality involves much more than having sex.  This type of attitude goes hand in hand with the development of evolution and it will be addressed later in the paper, but this type of attitude goes against creation and how God created us.  This attitude usually ends in pain because it is not meant to separate sexual desire from intimacy.  It is important to know that God can redeem anything and also to know we are created above the animals in God’s own image which separates us from other creeping things.  We are not an accident or a part of natural selection, but were purposed and willed in God’s divine image.

       The church should be prepared to dispense grace when it comes to sexual problems.  It is very important to have leadership that is comfortable with their own sexuality.  Heart change is a part of reconciliation and redemption back to God that does not want us to suffer or injure ourselves.  True love is worth waiting for and it is a healing experience to understand the true covenant of marriage that is often ignored by simple saying just say no.  It is important to come to the realization that God is in the business of making things beautiful and are not meant to be shameful.  Even the church has a misconception of the gift of healthy sexuality.  Very often even Christians have a shameful view of sex.  Sex is meant to be an intimate experience with a committed covenant that involves intimacy and wholeness in a loving manner towards each other and God (Hawkins, Ron HS 103).  In the views of evolution lust is more than willing to take over the views of covenant marriage and try’s to focus on urges to pro create and while we were created physically and to have those needs, we were created in his own image and it was a purposeful one that requires self-control.   Self-control is one of the fruits of the Holy Spirit and keeps us connected to our Creator.  The fall of man was because of his lack of self-control, and we have been fighting against these sins since the beginning of time.

     In Psychology Today (Judith Orloff, August 2011) discusses the areas of love and lust and questions whether we understand the difference.  Signs of lust include one that is totally focused upon their looks and body.  You want sex but have no interest in conversation; you are lovers but not friends.  She addresses signs of love which include; you enjoy quality time together other than having sex.  Both listen to each other’s feelings and attempt to make each other happy.  Both people motivate each other to be better people.  You want to meet each other’s family and friends.  (Orloff, 2011) states “Pure lust is bases solely on physical attraction and fantasy, it often dissipates when the real person surfaces.”  While I agree with the information from the article there is not much stated about union of a covenant that was never meant to be broken, or how we should address those issues of lust that have seemed to lead us down the wrong path in our relationships.  Eros is a passionate love that can be compared to lust that is only temporary.  It often involves erotica and burning desire that should only be demonstrated in a committed relationship, because very often this type of emotion plays out and the relationship will end.  In the communion of marriage there is freedom to play and have the greatest passion towards each other.  A Godly relationship is a cord of three and God has given them the joy of freedom to desire and please one another in complete fulfillment.  

                         
                                II. Pornography, Extra Marital Affairs and Cohabitation

     The media has promoted a false sense of sexuality and most women have been portrayed as objects to be lusted after which has lead our culture to have little value of the purpose of committed covenants established by God.  We might have to ask ourselves what is the price of perfection and who is defining that definition.  Women have been placed upon the advertisement billboards in entertainment and we have to wonder has the exploitation improved in our era?  Sadly since media has demonstrated this idea our culture has taken on the same attributes(Stephanie Berberick, 2010).

     Men often compare women in their personal relationships to what they perceive in the media whether it be television, magazines or billboards.  This has led to drastic increases in plastic surgeries, an increase in sexual assaults, along with many eating disorders.  (Berberick, 2010) stated, “Many women find they are not happy with themselves or their bodies and the media machine is pushing more images that refuse to let women find peace.” (p.5, pg. 1).  In our culture women are instructed how to behave, how to dress and apply makeup and what the world perceives her body should look like and how they are to treat their lover.  There is a great deal of exploitation especially in advertising which makes it almost impossible to escape.  It reduces women to a collection of body parts and gives an effect that they are less than human.  It seems to be a popular stance for women to have as many sexual partners as possible and if you can sell your sexiness then you have the power to do anything.   When behaviors are modeled in this form pornography is adopted into the equation that can create long lasting damage and destruction upon a women’s ability to keep up the pace and compete with visualizations that come from pornography.  We are sending the wrong signal when sex becomes competitive, because whoever hooks up with the most boys becomes the coolest girl.  Men begin to develop thinking patterns that women are playthings.  More women are suffering from depression, eating disorders, rape and discontentment to model a visual standard that is impossible to follow.  Sadly while trying to keep up the pace of sexy or desirable intimate relationships are damaged and lose their meaning and the result follows high risk behaviors that are self-destructive (Stephanie N. Berberick, 2010).

     According to (Joshua Scott, 2012), from Men’s Health magazine men admit when they view hard core pornography it will surface in dreams and also in intimate sexual relations with other women.  Men carry images of erotic images and some experience anxiety in their relationships with their partners because they cannot separate those images from their partners.  Evolution believes that men have evolved to pursue busty women who are more than happy to engage in casual sex.  Pornography offers easy access to commitment free sex with multiple partners.  This behavior can be dangerous and can reinforce behavior in the same way that cocaine would.  When men think below the belt line they have little judgment and do not make good decisions.  Men that view pornographic material are more likely to have extra marital affairs.  Scott (2012) quoted “We’re being impacted all the time by what we consume with our eyes and ears and brains.  There is no question about it.” (p. 5).  Men deny that pornography has this effect upon them but statistically this is not true.  According to Scott he states “when you have an orgasm, there’s a release of oxytocin, the bonding hormone, presumably to bind you to your partner, if your viewing pornography, your partner is the screen in front of you.” (p. 7).

     Men are struggling against many issues as well, such as guilt, fear and discouragement and this blocks their abilities to worship God and hold their head up high according to Steve Arterburn (HS 402).  We have a standard to live by and men have to decide what that will be for their lives.  The world’s standard allows what two people agree upon and the church’s standard is to try harder and to be good.  There is a worldly standard and one that was created by God and we are forever struggling between them.  Sexual integrity comes from one person and that person is a man’s wife.  To make a commitment with the eyes is to bounce one’s eyes away.  When this occurs a man’s wife will be more attracted towards him.  A husband will honor God and his wife and a man’s wife will begin to connect with him (Arterburn, Steve HS 402).

     In an article of Ethic health (April, 2013), there is expression of extra marital affairs being common among men and women both.  Where once there were divine connections in earlier times but because of modern times and changes in culture life is overpowered by materialism and family is only considered as a social structure.  If marriage is damaged and strained because of neglect then extramarital affairs is a concern.  When two people can no longer communicate it can be a critical risk factor.  According to Power in Data (Alice G.
Walton, Feb, 2012) identifies that marriage is a big commitment.   There is a fear factor that is determining more acts of cohabitation because the anxiety of what happens in divorce.  Co habitation makes it easier to end the relationship with out the financial strain of ruin.  It seems the primary reason is the fear of divorce.  NBC News reported (Jo Nel Aleccia, May, 2013) that women are adapting more to cohabitation relationships and are lasting longer according to a government study.  The article expresses that it is becoming more widely acceptable to be in a committed relationship without the legal document to bind it.  Cohabitating is making sure that the women were ready for the challenges of marriage. 

   People are in constant spiritual warfare, and we see that fear of divorce is the primary reason for cohabitating and pressures that can lead up to being unfaithful in committed relationships.  We sincerely need to learn Godly desires in our healthy relationships, and sex was created to be intimate and fulfilling and not something dirty and to be ashamed to discuss.  We should be open in our communications about sex that leads to long lasting intimacy.  Our past culture had a perception that sex was disgusting and that is what led to the fall of Adam and Eve and this is simply a fable and untrue.  Sexuality was created as a gift by God that is to be a joyful experience and not a shameful act.  Most people that fall into temptation are seeking intimacy that is lacking in their committed relationships.  We can no longer avoid the topic of sex because it is vital that we see it as God see’s it and it is not an ugly act, it was meant for pleasure among two people to please one another in a committed relationship.  (Laaser, Mark, HS 102).

                                               
                                                       III. Homosexuality

     According to David P. Barash (Nov. 2012), from the Chronicle of Higher Education homosexuality is viewed in the natural selection process through evolution.  Statistics show that homosexual men produce only 20 percent of children compared to heterosexual men.  This article is led by science and biology but is clearly speaking on the terms of evolution.  It has been an amazing journey to see how much of the evolution process in engrained in our culture that fuels our sexual preferences and identifies.  According to David Haskell (March 2013) Haskell quoted “Stepping from the northern border of the mall into the Smithsonian’s National History we come face to face with our great ape ancestors.”  Apes once shared homosexual tendencies and this is the theory of a natural occurrence with homosexuality.   We can clearly see throughout the conclusions of the paper that evolutionary thoughts have taken over the views of having a loving creator that endorsed a man and woman to become one flesh.  In researching over the materials that I have gathered I discovered something hidden that I was completely unaware of.  We will address biology verses creation among those that struggle with homosexuality and this will conclude my discoveries of learning some of the hidden factors of damage that evolution has caused in every facet of sexuality.

     It is true that many people struggle with these tendencies but just because someone struggles with attraction of the same sex does not mean they are homosexual.  Many do not choose to experience this behavior but there are choices about what to do with these tendencies through God’s power and mercy that is made available to them.  We can help those acknowledge those experiences without integrating them into a gay lifestyle.  They can be encouraged to meet physical and emotional needs in other areas.  Mark Yarhouse quoted that “counseling alone is not enough to change someone’s lifestyle.  The power to change results from a growing relationship with Jesus Christ.  It is not the tendency that can be helped, but one area that can be controlled through spiritual counseling and help from others that have experienced the same tendencies and have found sanctification in there recovery.

     We have briefly identified with many controversial issues relating to our culture that affects our ideals about sexuality.  Believers in Christ have often injured others or often ignored those that were dealing with the emotional effects of sin.  This has given way to the form of media and culture to establish these patterns while the church as slipped sexuality under the carpet because of the shameful feelings that we as believers may all be struggling with.  Sex is not a shameful act and until we can properly identify these issues according to how God identifies with them we cannot help these broken areas that desperately need to be redeemed.

 

                                                     References  

Aleccia, JoNel (May 5, 2013) the new normal: Cohabitation on the rise, study finds

Barash, David (Nov 2012), The Evolutionary Mystery of Homosexuality

Ethnic Health (April 2013), Extramarital affairs and its possible solutions

Featherstone, Liza (June 2012) You, Me and Porn Makes Three

Gardner, Amanda (Sept 2010) Teens “unhealthy sex exposure blamed on TV, music,
         Web

Haskell, David G. (March 29, 2013) Nature’s case for Same Sex Marriages

Orloff, Judith (August 15, 2011) Psychology Today; Lust vs Love: Do you know the                          difference.

Savage, Lauren (June 2011) Life 2 Point Oh; No strings attached: Does Sex
           Without Commitment Work?

Scott, Joshua (April 2013) Men’s Health; Is Porn Harmful?

Walton, Alice (Feb 2012) Power in Data; The Marriage Problem:  Why many are choosing     cohabitation instead.