Comparing Controversial Issues of Healthy and Unhealthy Sexuality

                        Comparing Controversial Issues of Healthy and Unhealthy Sexuality

                                              

 

 Introduction

     There is a growing trend of controversy on many sensitive subjects concerning sexuality and how they should be addressed.  The media and information technology has added a great deal of influence of how lives are viewed and pressures of what is acceptable, verses what can be damaging concerning sexuality.   It seems there is a vast array of confusion about what is a healthy and authentic, verse what is harmful and leads down a path of brokenness and destruction.   These areas will be examined and debated while seeking a healthy and whole recourse of how God intended us to live our lives to be whole and with purpose.

                                      
                                                       I.  Singleness, Teenage Pregnancy

     According to Amanda Gardner (September, 2012) from USA Today, she explains what a poor job our society has done teaching our children sexual education in the public school system, and how parents have neglected to talk to kids about sex, because of their embarrassment on the subject.  Gardener feels that contraceptives or the discussion of STD’s has not been addressed enough with the young, nor have teenagers been directed to wait and have sexual relations later on.  There are many ad campaigns on erectile dysfunction but no birth control options and emergency contraception available.  According to Gardner are we doing things backwards?  She expresses that the media is unhealthy and not realistic and promotes sex that does not address the consequences of sexual behavior. (Gardner, Amanda, 2012).

     It is very true that parents have been ashamed to discuss sexual experience with their children and it is not productive to just tell them no.  There is much more to human sexuality and the media is collecting upon the vulnerabilities of our youth.  I do not however agree that birth control is the option to teach our children what sexual purity is and why it is important for them to abstain even though their experience of raging hormones are a part of their development.  This issue is nothing to be ashamed of, but our children need to be prepared and understand what is happening to them, or it can become uncontrollable.  The church has an obligation to teach our children about these topics as well and we need to identify with them and understand them as God does.  There are consequences of the wrong choices that we make if we are not acting in accordance with the Holy Spirit.   “It is God’s will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality; that each of you should learn to control his own body in a way that is holy and honorable, not in passionate lust like the heathen, who do not know God; and that in this matter no one should wrong his brother or take advantage of him.  The Lord will punish men for all such sins, as we have already told you and warned you.  For God did not call us to be impure, but to live a holy life.  Therefore, he who rejects this instruction does not reject man but God, who gives you his Holy Spirit. (1 Thessalonians 4 3:8 (NIV).  This does not mean that sex is bad but it was meant for committed relationships and ordained by God, the point remains that if restraint is not studied or explained it can spiral into a life time of repeated destruction.

     What is failed to be addressed is that birth control is offering teens a way to continue into destructive patterns that allow them to have no consequence of what they are doing.  What needs to be identified is recognizing that behavior, one’s attitude or activities that are not driven by or grounded in committed, caring, trusting love for the other person and it is self-centered.   While the media has focused on teenage peer groups that are influenced around the consumption of fulfilling a physical desire without considering the consequences of the choices that are made, the disheartening truth of legalized abortion comes into question with many teenage girls who possibly do not consider the consequences of what may occur later in life or the lasting results of the guilt, murder and psychological damage that has occurred.  There is a pattern of not being accountable for the decision that one might be making which leads into a more painful area of destruction.   Many times abortion is used as a birth control, so I think it is unwise to focus on education of birth control as abortion is also considered one of those options.  It can be desensitized as birth control, but as believers we clearly understand it is murder, but the prochoice option is that you have the right to destroy another life that cannot defend itself legally.  This continues to take focus away from responsibility and God’s original plan.  This is greatly debated across the country today as there have been over twenty million abortions performed since 1973 Roe Verses Wade.  (Clinton, Tim HS 502).  It is apparent that if we continue to focus upon birth control many more lives of the innocent will have to pay the price for our irresponsible choices.   I strongly disagree this approach only creates a more destructive path.

       Post Abortion Syndrome can last for many years leaving the mother feeling that she will never be worthy again.  Many women do not have the ability to process the painful emotions that come from abortion.  It can be parallel to Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.  Many times girls are coerced by their family or father of the baby.  The average age that girls are the most vulnerable are between the ages of 14-24.  While we certainly do not want to promote abortions to women, if this has occurred it is very important that they know there is no sin
God cannot and does not want to forgive.   All of these situations come into play when dealing with an unwanted pregnancy.  There are options like adoption that would be a better course of action than simply destroying a life.

     In an article written by (Savage, Lauren, June 2011), she states “Just because we are not ready or able to commit to someone emotionally, does not mean we cannot fulfill our desires sexually.  Or are friends with benefits designed to crash and burn?  This demonstrates what many young singles are facing today that are not willing to commit, but have sexual desires that are longing to be met.   She basically states that sexual bonds only are not appropriate for everyone but if your emotions are up for it there are rules that should be followed.  The most important thing is to make sure you are only interested in a physical aspect of the connection.  Do not mistake sex for intimacy or deeper connections and if those feelings start to occur end the relationship immediately.  (Savage, Lauren, 2011).

     This is a primary example of where the media has taken us.  The views here are we can be physical beings and there is no need for intimacy.   Many fail to understand that sexuality and spirituality are not separate.  Sexuality is a definite expression of spiritual intimacy. 
We know this to be true because it is reflective of a relationship with God.  Here we can examine that after the fall of man sexuality became selfish.  Sex was designed so that we would meet each other’s needs not that we would seek to desire our own selfishly.  Many singles are acting out of loneliness, but sexuality involves much more than having sex.  This type of attitude goes hand in hand with the development of evolution and it will be addressed later in the paper, but this type of attitude goes against creation and how God created us.  This attitude usually ends in pain because it is not meant to separate sexual desire from intimacy.  It is important to know that God can redeem anything and also to know we are created above the animals in God’s own image which separates us from other creeping things.  We are not an accident or a part of natural selection, but were purposed and willed in God’s divine image.

       The church should be prepared to dispense grace when it comes to sexual problems.  It is very important to have leadership that is comfortable with their own sexuality.  Heart change is a part of reconciliation and redemption back to God that does not want us to suffer or injure ourselves.  True love is worth waiting for and it is a healing experience to understand the true covenant of marriage that is often ignored by simple saying just say no.  It is important to come to the realization that God is in the business of making things beautiful and are not meant to be shameful.  Even the church has a misconception of the gift of healthy sexuality.  Very often even Christians have a shameful view of sex.  Sex is meant to be an intimate experience with a committed covenant that involves intimacy and wholeness in a loving manner towards each other and God (Hawkins, Ron HS 103).  In the views of evolution lust is more than willing to take over the views of covenant marriage and try’s to focus on urges to pro create and while we were created physically and to have those needs, we were created in his own image and it was a purposeful one that requires self-control.   Self-control is one of the fruits of the Holy Spirit and keeps us connected to our Creator.  The fall of man was because of his lack of self-control, and we have been fighting against these sins since the beginning of time.

     In Psychology Today (Judith Orloff, August 2011) discusses the areas of love and lust and questions whether we understand the difference.  Signs of lust include one that is totally focused upon their looks and body.  You want sex but have no interest in conversation; you are lovers but not friends.  She addresses signs of love which include; you enjoy quality time together other than having sex.  Both listen to each other’s feelings and attempt to make each other happy.  Both people motivate each other to be better people.  You want to meet each other’s family and friends.  (Orloff, 2011) states “Pure lust is bases solely on physical attraction and fantasy, it often dissipates when the real person surfaces.”  While I agree with the information from the article there is not much stated about union of a covenant that was never meant to be broken, or how we should address those issues of lust that have seemed to lead us down the wrong path in our relationships.  Eros is a passionate love that can be compared to lust that is only temporary.  It often involves erotica and burning desire that should only be demonstrated in a committed relationship, because very often this type of emotion plays out and the relationship will end.  In the communion of marriage there is freedom to play and have the greatest passion towards each other.  A Godly relationship is a cord of three and God has given them the joy of freedom to desire and please one another in complete fulfillment.  

                         
                                II. Pornography, Extra Marital Affairs and Cohabitation

     The media has promoted a false sense of sexuality and most women have been portrayed as objects to be lusted after which has lead our culture to have little value of the purpose of committed covenants established by God.  We might have to ask ourselves what is the price of perfection and who is defining that definition.  Women have been placed upon the advertisement billboards in entertainment and we have to wonder has the exploitation improved in our era?  Sadly since media has demonstrated this idea our culture has taken on the same attributes(Stephanie Berberick, 2010).

     Men often compare women in their personal relationships to what they perceive in the media whether it be television, magazines or billboards.  This has led to drastic increases in plastic surgeries, an increase in sexual assaults, along with many eating disorders.  (Berberick, 2010) stated, “Many women find they are not happy with themselves or their bodies and the media machine is pushing more images that refuse to let women find peace.” (p.5, pg. 1).  In our culture women are instructed how to behave, how to dress and apply makeup and what the world perceives her body should look like and how they are to treat their lover.  There is a great deal of exploitation especially in advertising which makes it almost impossible to escape.  It reduces women to a collection of body parts and gives an effect that they are less than human.  It seems to be a popular stance for women to have as many sexual partners as possible and if you can sell your sexiness then you have the power to do anything.   When behaviors are modeled in this form pornography is adopted into the equation that can create long lasting damage and destruction upon a women’s ability to keep up the pace and compete with visualizations that come from pornography.  We are sending the wrong signal when sex becomes competitive, because whoever hooks up with the most boys becomes the coolest girl.  Men begin to develop thinking patterns that women are playthings.  More women are suffering from depression, eating disorders, rape and discontentment to model a visual standard that is impossible to follow.  Sadly while trying to keep up the pace of sexy or desirable intimate relationships are damaged and lose their meaning and the result follows high risk behaviors that are self-destructive (Stephanie N. Berberick, 2010).

     According to (Joshua Scott, 2012), from Men’s Health magazine men admit when they view hard core pornography it will surface in dreams and also in intimate sexual relations with other women.  Men carry images of erotic images and some experience anxiety in their relationships with their partners because they cannot separate those images from their partners.  Evolution believes that men have evolved to pursue busty women who are more than happy to engage in casual sex.  Pornography offers easy access to commitment free sex with multiple partners.  This behavior can be dangerous and can reinforce behavior in the same way that cocaine would.  When men think below the belt line they have little judgment and do not make good decisions.  Men that view pornographic material are more likely to have extra marital affairs.  Scott (2012) quoted “We’re being impacted all the time by what we consume with our eyes and ears and brains.  There is no question about it.” (p. 5).  Men deny that pornography has this effect upon them but statistically this is not true.  According to Scott he states “when you have an orgasm, there’s a release of oxytocin, the bonding hormone, presumably to bind you to your partner, if your viewing pornography, your partner is the screen in front of you.” (p. 7).

     Men are struggling against many issues as well, such as guilt, fear and discouragement and this blocks their abilities to worship God and hold their head up high according to Steve Arterburn (HS 402).  We have a standard to live by and men have to decide what that will be for their lives.  The world’s standard allows what two people agree upon and the church’s standard is to try harder and to be good.  There is a worldly standard and one that was created by God and we are forever struggling between them.  Sexual integrity comes from one person and that person is a man’s wife.  To make a commitment with the eyes is to bounce one’s eyes away.  When this occurs a man’s wife will be more attracted towards him.  A husband will honor God and his wife and a man’s wife will begin to connect with him (Arterburn, Steve HS 402).

     In an article of Ethic health (April, 2013), there is expression of extra marital affairs being common among men and women both.  Where once there were divine connections in earlier times but because of modern times and changes in culture life is overpowered by materialism and family is only considered as a social structure.  If marriage is damaged and strained because of neglect then extramarital affairs is a concern.  When two people can no longer communicate it can be a critical risk factor.  According to Power in Data (Alice G.
Walton, Feb, 2012) identifies that marriage is a big commitment.   There is a fear factor that is determining more acts of cohabitation because the anxiety of what happens in divorce.  Co habitation makes it easier to end the relationship with out the financial strain of ruin.  It seems the primary reason is the fear of divorce.  NBC News reported (Jo Nel Aleccia, May, 2013) that women are adapting more to cohabitation relationships and are lasting longer according to a government study.  The article expresses that it is becoming more widely acceptable to be in a committed relationship without the legal document to bind it.  Cohabitating is making sure that the women were ready for the challenges of marriage. 

   People are in constant spiritual warfare, and we see that fear of divorce is the primary reason for cohabitating and pressures that can lead up to being unfaithful in committed relationships.  We sincerely need to learn Godly desires in our healthy relationships, and sex was created to be intimate and fulfilling and not something dirty and to be ashamed to discuss.  We should be open in our communications about sex that leads to long lasting intimacy.  Our past culture had a perception that sex was disgusting and that is what led to the fall of Adam and Eve and this is simply a fable and untrue.  Sexuality was created as a gift by God that is to be a joyful experience and not a shameful act.  Most people that fall into temptation are seeking intimacy that is lacking in their committed relationships.  We can no longer avoid the topic of sex because it is vital that we see it as God see’s it and it is not an ugly act, it was meant for pleasure among two people to please one another in a committed relationship.  (Laaser, Mark, HS 102).

                                               
                                                       III. Homosexuality

     According to David P. Barash (Nov. 2012), from the Chronicle of Higher Education homosexuality is viewed in the natural selection process through evolution.  Statistics show that homosexual men produce only 20 percent of children compared to heterosexual men.  This article is led by science and biology but is clearly speaking on the terms of evolution.  It has been an amazing journey to see how much of the evolution process in engrained in our culture that fuels our sexual preferences and identifies.  According to David Haskell (March 2013) Haskell quoted “Stepping from the northern border of the mall into the Smithsonian’s National History we come face to face with our great ape ancestors.”  Apes once shared homosexual tendencies and this is the theory of a natural occurrence with homosexuality.   We can clearly see throughout the conclusions of the paper that evolutionary thoughts have taken over the views of having a loving creator that endorsed a man and woman to become one flesh.  In researching over the materials that I have gathered I discovered something hidden that I was completely unaware of.  We will address biology verses creation among those that struggle with homosexuality and this will conclude my discoveries of learning some of the hidden factors of damage that evolution has caused in every facet of sexuality.

     It is true that many people struggle with these tendencies but just because someone struggles with attraction of the same sex does not mean they are homosexual.  Many do not choose to experience this behavior but there are choices about what to do with these tendencies through God’s power and mercy that is made available to them.  We can help those acknowledge those experiences without integrating them into a gay lifestyle.  They can be encouraged to meet physical and emotional needs in other areas.  Mark Yarhouse quoted that “counseling alone is not enough to change someone’s lifestyle.  The power to change results from a growing relationship with Jesus Christ.  It is not the tendency that can be helped, but one area that can be controlled through spiritual counseling and help from others that have experienced the same tendencies and have found sanctification in there recovery.

     We have briefly identified with many controversial issues relating to our culture that affects our ideals about sexuality.  Believers in Christ have often injured others or often ignored those that were dealing with the emotional effects of sin.  This has given way to the form of media and culture to establish these patterns while the church as slipped sexuality under the carpet because of the shameful feelings that we as believers may all be struggling with.  Sex is not a shameful act and until we can properly identify these issues according to how God identifies with them we cannot help these broken areas that desperately need to be redeemed.

 

                                                     References  

Aleccia, JoNel (May 5, 2013) the new normal: Cohabitation on the rise, study finds

Barash, David (Nov 2012), The Evolutionary Mystery of Homosexuality

Ethnic Health (April 2013), Extramarital affairs and its possible solutions

Featherstone, Liza (June 2012) You, Me and Porn Makes Three

Gardner, Amanda (Sept 2010) Teens “unhealthy sex exposure blamed on TV, music,
         Web

Haskell, David G. (March 29, 2013) Nature’s case for Same Sex Marriages

Orloff, Judith (August 15, 2011) Psychology Today; Lust vs Love: Do you know the                          difference.

Savage, Lauren (June 2011) Life 2 Point Oh; No strings attached: Does Sex
           Without Commitment Work?

Scott, Joshua (April 2013) Men’s Health; Is Porn Harmful?

Walton, Alice (Feb 2012) Power in Data; The Marriage Problem:  Why many are choosing     cohabitation instead.