Emotional Effects of
Divorce on Children
There are millions of children every
year that suffer from the emotional effects of divorce. According to Baer, Hoffman & Mooney
(2007) approximately 40 percent of marriages will end in divorce, and most
divorces happen before children reach their eighteenth birthday. Most parents facing divorce want to protect
their children, but often times avoiding the issue can add to their levels of
stress. (Debord, K., 1994). Debord
explains that it can be frightening for children, and although it may be hard
for parents to explain; children need to be encouraged and parents need to help
children adapt to their new life changing environment. Children are suddenly forced to face the
reality that everything in their life is going to be different. One of the greatest fears of children is
change. (Debord, K., 1994). Children can
also experience developmental issues with attachment, and fear of abandonment. Research will show that divorce does not just
affect children’s lives for a few years, but can follow them throughout their
lives (Debord, K., 1994).
Children are
faced with the loss of attachment, which can lead to self-blame in the early
years of childhood, and they can also experience the fear of losing the other
parent and who will take care of them. (Debord, K., 1994) Debord gives examples of children and
different stressors that are created in separate age groups. These stages are based on the levels of a
child’s understanding and perception in their particular age groups.
Debord clarifies that while infants may not
understand the roles of conflict, they can react to the levels of stress that
the parent demonstrates which could cause loss of appetite, more spitting up
and fussiness. A toddler can understand
that a parent is no longer in the home, but does not have the cognitive
abilities to understand why. This can
cause the child to be clingy, insecure and not be able to rest well. They may experience anger and not understand
why they are mad, and toddlers have a fear of both parents being absent
(Debord, K., 1994).
Preschool children do not have the cognitive
abilities to understand what divorce or separation means. They know that one parent is no longer active
as before, and this can cause uncertainty and the preschooler may resort to
self-blame. Nightmares can also occur
during the process and grief over the loss of the parent no longer in the home.
(Debord, K., 1994).
Early
elementary age children are aware of divorce, and that parents may not have the
love they once did. They may experience
feelings of deception, and has hopes that parents will reconcile. Early elementary age children experience
feelings of rejection of the absent parent.
They may also experience stomach problems along with headaches. They definitely fear what will become of
their future (Debord, K., 1994).
Preteen and
adolescents are able to understand a divorce, but can be very unaccepting of
it. They can become disillusioned,
experience anger, and also feel abandonment from the absent parent (Debord, K.,
1994). Preteens will try to take
advantage of stress levels of both parents.
They can also appeal to take over the household, and this is a time
period where drugs may evolve, because of the stresses caused from the
divorce. Suddenly they may feel as if
they have to mature to fast, and they also experience great stress of what the
future will hold for them concerning college and financial aspects that could
affect them. They may also have great
concerns over their own relationships, and whether they can attain long term
commitments. (Debord, K., 1994).
According to
Fagan &Churchhill (2012) “Divorce causes irreparable harm to all involved,
but most especially the children.” (p.1). Culture has certainly changed over
the past few generations, because what was once conceived as a tragedy can
often be considered a celebration when partners choose to divorce now. (Fagan
& Churchhill, 2012). This is a sad occurrence
because according to Fagan & Churchhill “it diminishes children’s future
competence in all five of society’s major tasks or institutions: family, school, religion, marketplace and
government” (p.1). There is no way we
can accurately predict what will happen to a child that experiences divorce,
but research has shown that the limits of divorced children are lowered because
of it, and the effects are high in number and are serious(Fagan &
Churchhill, 2012). According to Fagan
&Churchhill (2012), these are determinable concerns about divorce and the
effects on children.
1.)
Religious practice: Divorce
diminishes the frequency of worship of God
and
recourse to Him in prayer. 2.)
Education: Divorce diminishes children’s
learning
capacity and educational attainment. 3.)
The marketplace: Divorce
reduces
household income and deeply cuts individual earning capacity.
4.)
Government: Divorce significantly
increases crime, abuse and neglect, drug
use, and
the costs of compensating government services.
5.) Health and well
being: Divorce weakens children’s health and
longevity. It also increases
behavioral,
emotional, and psychiatric risks, including even suicide.
Fagan &
Churchhill (2012) further conclude that while parents are dealing with two sets
of problems during the divorce that children’s support is extremely lower, than
those of parents that live together.
They receive less emotional support, and this weakens the parent child
relationship. It can be harder for the
child to fully trust the parent after a divorce occurs. (Fagan & Churchhill,
2012). Final statements that have been
addressed by Fagan & Churchhill are the children’s view of divorce.
“Regardless of age, children of divorce
deeply resent the strains and difficulties
which arise in long-held family celebrations,
traditions, daily rituals, and special
times, and
rate these changes as major losses.
It seems obvious
that divorce is going to take a toll, even when children have positive peers to
encourage them. This will lessen the
degree of stress, but some of the losses that come from divorce cannot be
replaced, and unfortunately this can carry on throughout the life of the child
into adulthood. It is apparent that
divorce has caused collateral damages to our culture and society. When looking at the statistics of divorce and
thinking of the aspects of children; it becomes clearer of the present
condition of what is being faced in the next generation as the numbers
increase.
Sometimes divorce
is necessary if a child’s welfare is in danger, or if there is domestic
violence involved, but the transition can still be hurtful and misunderstood by
separation. It is very complex when
parents make the child choose whom they can love. It can be damaging when parents use the
children as weapons against the other one.
In the state of Texas before divorce can be granted each party is
required to take a course on how to remain civil in the areas of interest
focused upon the child. The author would
hope to see requirements that would involve unique counseling to address issues
related to the children, before granting divorce.
While partners
may have someone to represent them during a divorce, many times children have
no outlet or voice. This leaves them
vulnerable to all the things discussed above.
According to Mathews D. Wayne (n.r.) there are short term
effects as well as long term effects. A
great deal of what a child must go through depends upon the parent’s ability to
deal with their anger towards one another, and to maintain the parenting
role. It is important that the absent
parent is able to establish a satisfying part that is mutually acceptable with
the children, or child. It is imperative
that children of divorce have a healthy and trusting outlet to address things that
take place in their lives. If the
problems of divorce continue in anger and discontent, usually the child is the
victim of an occurrence he was not responsible for. (Matthews, D. Wayne). There is no escape of harm that will affect a
child through divorce, but there are ways that children can begin their own
personal healing and grief of the loss.
More focus in the court systems should address the implications of
stress that comes from divorce, but too often children are overlooked, and they
are left with long lasting effects that will be carried out in their adult
lives, and the patterns will be repeated.
Divorce does not only hurt the emotional wellbeing of a child, but it
breaks down the strength of a family unit throughout the country, which has a
negative impact of our society as a whole.
Parents should
know that not all the negative effects will occur mentioned in this paper, but
in the case of a child in distress and going through a crisis because of
divorce, parents should be responsible to help their child get through the
transition. Sensitivity to a child is
critical during this period according to (Foulkes, L., 2001). The emotional state of a child should be a
primary concern, and the child should never be left to themselves to absorb the
stress of divorce alone. This will have
a serious impact on the child depending upon their support system, and if there
problems are being addressed. Children
need the continuing reassurance that they are loved by both parents and it is
important for healthy relationships between them to continue, in spite of the
situation of the adults. The author
would hope that more emphasis would be placed upon the stress of what children
are going through, because in the long run, they are the ones that will suffer
the most from adult decisions. The
conclusions of the arguments would be that divorce is far more crucial to the
wellbeing of a child, and parents need to know the emotional implications of
what can become of their children, in the process of their decision making
alternatives. If investments are made in
families, counseling should be an option that promotes reconciliation if that
is possible. Adults do not always
consider the implications of what can come from impulsive decisions. Children are worth an effort, and if
counseling does not prove successful, parents need to be fully aware of the
emotional upheaval that happens to children.
Again, the court system can address these problems if they are brought
to the table, but it takes awareness and concern for the emotional welfare of
children. Children are the future, and
they deserve to grow up physically and emotionally stable. There are things that can be done. Churches can take part in counseling
families, and leading them towards reconciliation. Until our entire society sees the problem,
the emotional effects of divorce will not improve.
Baer, T., Hoffman, M., & Mooney, N. (2000). The Effects
of Divorce on Children
Debord, K., (1994).The Effects of Divorce on Children
Focus on the Kids, North Carolina
Cooperative Extention Service
Fagan, P., &Churchill, A. (2012). The Effects of Divorce on Children.
Marriage and Religion Research Institute
Foulkes, L. (2001).
The Effects of Divorce on Children
Clinical Psychology Associates of North
Central Florida, P.A.
Matthews, W.D. (2012). Long –term Effects of Divorce on
Children
